In life, we can have easier roads and those that are more challenging. What I’m realizing is that, just because the journey is a challenge, doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t travel down said road. If we can put our emotions aside during those challenging times and focus on moving through and past whatever “it” is, do we always just move past without learning anything? Isn’t that what life truly is? A journey of learning? What happens when I just sit in the situation to observe it while, simultaneously, not rushing to fix the situation? Hmm.

Right now, my husband and I are caring for our aging dog, Toby. He will be 16 next month and, for a dog of his size, he has been on borrowed time for a few years. Toby, however, has a genetic condition that has made his care extremely precarious and, at times, very costly. Yet, Toby handles this all with the same cute face and attitude. Watching how he navigates what only can be said is a very confusing time for him has taught me so much about myself. What I would have lost had I not just sat during these times – as uncomfortable as they are – just to see how I could grow from the experience. Don’t opportunities for growth come out of ALL experiences? Can I make a difficult time be a welcome opportunity for growth just like happy times are welcome? In the difficult and challenging situations, we just may not realize that we are growing until the situation has passed because the feeling is not desired. We are so worked up about the emotions of the situation that we don’t see our own potential for growth through the challenge.

I don’t know about you but I really like a happy moment better than a moment that involves cleaning up bio messes! There is no glory in this level of care. No rewards from your co-workers. No “Atta Girl!” for standing outside with Toby at 2AM while he pretends to do his business. (Oh, I’m on to him!) All of these “chores” are handled quietly and within a certain dignity and respect. I started to view the aging process a bit differently in trying to gauge my emotions over my failing and devoted canine companion. Aging can be viewed as a necessity of living or the acquisition of a greater amount of knowledge of the world and myself. Personally, I like the latter way of thinking because one is truly more mindful than the other and it is this – mindfulness – that I’m striving to perfect.

Mindfulness is a broad term so let me explain the context. I have found that, in my ADHD journey, I thrive on mental stimulation as my brain loves to turn over ideas and creations. (One of my reasons for sharing so many crafting project ideas!) This stimulation can be driven both internally – like me – and externally. The external stimulation is much more nuanced in that we really believe we have a choice of just how much external “noise” we will allow. The “noise” isn’t always loud and in your face. The quiet sound of the refrigerator motor or air conditioning is also stimulation. In a person with ADHD, these noises all jumble up and become really aggravating so I retreat internally to work on balancing these two sources. Or, when you are speaking to me and I get a far away look on my face, I have not been listening and even I never realized that fact until that moment. Many times, I have my “to do” list running in my head as you are speaking. No, not deliberately….well, mostly not deliberately. (LOL!) I’m just afraid I’ll forget something (cue Executive Function and ADHD) and haven’t taken the time to write this really important thing I’m going to forget into my notes or planner. (This also explains why I gravitate towards paper planners!) Or, in a moment of creative genius, I resolved whatever problem I had been tossing around in my head (for there is always thinking going on) and cannot execute on the idea because I’m talking to someone on the phone. Thinking I can be doing two things at once? The ultimate self-deception. Sure, I can do two things and each one gets a split of my attention that is available while I’m externally working and also thinking about cooking dinner. Nothing I work on gets my full attention and this deficit is really keenly felt. It gets into the over-stimulation of distraction.

This tendency to distraction rules my thinking almost exclusively which ramps up my over-stimulation. (Actually, I didn’t even realize this was “a thing” until watching this YouTuber who makes the most pleasing and calming videos. The idea of over stimulation was something I accepted in myself but did not understand.) With ADHD, there is now clarity for me as I’ve learned that I seek the stimulation as part of a hormonal surge that, once completed, leaves me feeling really high only to fall really low. Recently, I’ve been trying to be more artistic to balance my need for mental stimulation through creation and not thought. Or, trying to get myself out of my head. My morning routine involves some sort of technical connection (phone), and a really external focus (e.g., news, social media, cat videos, etc.). This morning, however, I decided to things differently because Toby needed my assistance. And, as a result, I’m now writing a blog post and doing something more creative than ‘doom scrolling’ arrest videos. It occurred to me that, by caring for my beloved pet, I actually was kinder to myself. WOW!

Yesterday, to test this theory, I handled my day as normal. However, whenever I had the urge to pick up my phone, I didn’t. I diverted my attention to something I had wanted to do but never had the time. (OK, it was vacuuming.) I felt so good about setting my bedroom up with a clean and fresh-smelling carpet (lavender oil) and would have missed this opportunity to feel good by watching another video of criminal lawyer reacts. (I do love me some Bruce Rivers!) Distraction is helpful for me to release some pressure; a fun vacation. Mindfulness – or managing my stimulation – is really helpful. Knowing that there is a difference? The WIN!

Peace.