Recovery Blvd, Milemarker 2: Gut Service Road & the Gut Health Highway

In New York State, we have what are called ‘service roads’ on the side of some of the parkways. When I first moved to the East coast, this was a new phenomenon that I witnessed mostly on Long Island; these are streets that run parallel to the main road and allows people to enter and exit without many barriers. This also allows emergency vehicles to easily bypass traffic snarls to get to the problem. I see my gut health journey very similarly where I am the road, the traffic becomes snarled, and I take the service road to exit and try and address the cause of the traffic snarl. I’ve been on this road a long time and have had many traffic jams where the service road, or alternative thinking, allowed me to bypass the snarl and continue on my journey. The second milemarker is an important one because these issues are foundational, and I have discovered that fixing my gut may be key to my overall health improvement.

My gut issues began as a teenager, caused by both anxiety (I will explain this in a later post from Depression/Anxiety Lane) and overuse of antibiotics for teenage cystic acne. (I was on tetracycaline for almost a year. The acne was, I believe, a result of overeating of processed foods. My mother told me it was too much chocolate. I hate to admit that she was somewhat correct but I’ve discovered that my issues were both sugar and, more recently, the common oil ingredients found in processed foods.) As a child, I also suffered from mysterious allergies that caused sinus issues, headaches, coughing, mouth lesions, and assorted hay fever type of sympoms. Additionally, around the age of five, I was exposed to an outbreak of some bacteria from a public drinking fountain. This was also immediately treated as I had developed significant painful and puss-filled lesions in my mouth and was told to gargle with hydrogen peroxide. I cannot recall if I was given any other medications for the bacteria exposure; I do recall I started an alert for the local health department. 😀 For my ‘sinus conditions’, the doctor prescribed ‘Dimetapp’ which was only available by prescription. The year was 1969-ish and I drank this sweet grape syrup for years between the ages of 6 and 10. As a child, I was not allergy tested as the Dimetapp seemed to handle the effects of whatever was ailing me and the thought was that these symptoms would be outgrown.

I believe that these treatments had negative impacts to my gut which was exacerbated by food sensitivies yet to be diagnosed. These two factors (use of antibiotics and allergy medications) created a soup of sugar dependency and food sensitivities that ultimately lead me to a number of medical conditions including cancer. When I began to present with my first stomach issue, I was 16 years old. I took myself for my first ‘adult’ appointment to a gastroenterologist who gave me a diagnosis that, frankly, I don’t even remember. I think I was told to use antacids and needed to buy stock in the Tums company. Wouldn’t diet have been a topic that should have been covered? My weight had skyrocketed from 140 to over 215 pounds in about three years. This event, too, was seen as a my ‘personal failure’ by the medical establishment – and it never occurred to anyone to question this assumption. The only guidance I was provided by my family, friends, and doctors: Don’t eat as much. (This should have been called “How to Develop an Eating Disorder.”) In looking back, I recognize (and, importantly, accept) that volume of food was never my issue. I’m learning that it was the type of food and how my body reacted to it. My choices as a teenager and adult leaned into processed (fast) foods even though my genetics really would not support these ‘foods.’ I was raised differently. In hindsight, I had become addicted to the sugar “high” of the processed carbohydrate, and the resulting hormonal imbalances.

In my twenties and thirties, I had GERD, acid reflux, and all kinds of biological responses that were so innumerable, I can’t even recall the path. I also presented with physical symptoms resulting from massive stress, both physical and mental. I was diagnosed with PCOS having suffered through all kinds of female hormonal disasters. Again, no help. I received a seasonal affective disorder and body dysmorphia diagnosis at 30, or depression. (I have learned that this, too, for me, is gut related.) At 35, I was diagnosed with metabolic syndrome and was told there was nothing that could be done. (I now have learned that this is not true. My current endocrinologist who has diagnosed me with pre-diabetes stated that this diagnosis should have been a ‘heads up’ for me.) High blood pressure, thyroid cancer, gallbladder removal, and the psoriasis were clear signs – if someone were paying attention – that there was something significantly wrong. We treat each issue as its own problem, don’t we? Why would we do this if these symptoms are all in one person?

What I realize now in reviewing my journey, this viewpoint resulted in mistreatment by the medical establishment. My ‘issues’ were never seen as a part of something else because that physician was only focused on my gastric condition and not my overall health; there was too much volatility in my daily condition to really give an accurate diagnosis. Food, however, fed this variability but was never seen as part of the problem. The doctor did not consider what got me to their office examining table which, in my opinion, needs to be part of the assessment conversation. The term for this type of practice is ‘functional medicine’ However, our medical establishment does not focus on prevention but on treatment. In this article for a pre-natal care study, six countries with varying medical systems demonstrate that the cost of these systems for preventative treatment is more beneficial than the U.S. model of treating once diseased. Given the costs, it would appear that prevention has a greater financial benefit to a system that is based on treatment. While the study is old, another more recent study that discusses prevention actually created a quasi-road map to improving preventative treatment. Instead, the U.S. government attempts to gut these provisions. (Yes, that is true.) This behavior does not create a positive prognosis for the future of preventative health management. It is the younger generation which concerns me for they may not have the perspective needed to properly evaluate and challenge bad doctoring. This happened to me in 1979, and continues today.

Dietary restriction has always been the answer I was provided for most of anything that I had which required medical attention. Sprained ankle? You need to lose weight. Psoriasis? What are you doing to lose weight? I actually had a doctor ask me if I knew what a carbohydrate was…I told him that I did not get this weight by not understanding eating. In fact, I felt that doctors actually blamed me for my illnesses or injuries, having written me off based solely on my weight. The self-blame (really, it is shame) I used to carry is now gone for I understand that I was caught in a “Catch 22” of self-blame (shame) which caused my disordered eating views and the physical cravings for more sugar. In working to eliminate the self-blame (shame), I realized that the idea of restriction is an old style of thinking and does not work for my long term health. However, I do need to change my eating to help my gut which may include some form of restriction or ‘moderation’, right? My thinking has always focused on a mindset of: Eat ‘right’, exercise, and stay away from ‘bad’ foods. My knowledge included what should have been my course of action yet I could never take any action! To anyone who listened, I used to say that if I could figure out my ‘how’ I would be successful. In many ways, I was waiting for the momentum to be created and, finally, recognized that I needed to create my own momentum. The momentum created my ‘how’ – and this realization is what I wish for you.

How is this done, you may ask? I think I have found my own answer – and this is the key. Individual assessments must be made which cannot be ‘wholesalely’ marketed. (Again, prevention is hard to sell.) And, don’t underestimate your current mental state and the impact of your diet! While this post is a discussion of gut health, there is a correlation between gut health and mood or personality disorders. If the gut ‘feeds’ one’s mood disorders, how does one break a cycle of poor self image? In 1979, there was no path forward for me. In 2023, however, I now have a path forward. It took 44 years but I think I finally have an answer. What I now realize in writing this series of posts regarding my current journey, there was no consideration for me, as a teenager, presenting with very severe symptoms. I was compartmentalized into a medical ‘type’ and written off as having a self-induced sick when I followed medical guidance and guidance on a proper diet. Weight was not seen as a medical result of something but of a personal failure.

And, here is a more recent example of said failure which solidified these viewpoints. In my last doctor visit in March of this year, the proverbial camel’s back was broken by that psoriatic straw. In this visit, my psoriasis was, apparently, a surprise; I was asked if I needed a dermatological referral. I actually thought she was joking as I had been seriously discussing this with her for YEARS. YEARS! I decided I was done and the realization that I was on my own in helping myself became a drum beat or cadence on how I was going to move forward. My path is now clear.

Footnote: As I write this, I’m down 32 pounds and not through restriction. I’m making smart choices and determining what foods help me to thrive, and those which do not. I’m feeding my body what it likes to perform at its best. Interestingly, I learned that soybean oil makes me really sluggish and depressed. I also found I’m sensitive to sunflower oils which give me cramping, GERD, diarrhea, and, frankly, also foul mood. (With all of that bathroom stuff going on, it’s no wonder I was cranky! LOL) And, in doing my own reconnaisance, I found that sunflower oil is in a lot of our foods because it is supposedly superior. (Note who sponsored this story.) There is also science that debunks the current belief that seed oils, including sunflower oil, are bad for you. What isn’t discussed are the possible food sensitivities a person may have because the gut is not right. (BTW, this link is a very interesting article from the Cleveland Clinic that should be required reading for anyone with a stomach.) The moral of this story? Don’t accept the status quo. Follow your gut.

Recovery Blvd, Milemarker 1: Psoriasis Rd.

Hello, and Happy Spring!

This journey to healing is what I plan to begin posting in an effort to see if others have had a similar journey. I’ve constructed a few ‘pillars’ in my journey to improving my health that I will reference as decision points or “milemarkers” where I made a turn on Recovery Blvd – six to be exact: Psoriasis Road, Gut Service Road & the Gut Health Highway, Depression/Anxiety Lane, Thyroid Street, Joints Turnpike, Highway to Obesity, and Longevity Drive. (The actual healing journey that I am taking is separately documented using a daily journal and will be published at some point.)

Now, when you hear the term “psoriasis”, what comes to mind for you? Used to be that, for me, psoriasis is what people got in their hair. Dandruff. Purchase the appropriate hair shampoo and you are cured. When my psoriasis appeared as a little spot the size of an ingrown hair on my left leg, my inclination was to slap some cream on my really dry skin, quit whining, and move on with life. As you can see, the little red dot on my leg has turned into quite the situation.

My first ‘milemarker’ in my journey is healing my psoriasis. This process is the most confusing and is driving my trip to Longevity Drive. The realization that that this part of my journey is to be a major cornerstone for my own longevity and bright future rests well with me for it is my main obtacle to overcome. I’d like to also help others with similar situations with is why I’m taking my time to really sort this out. I have found that my focus needs to be on improving my health and not just ‘losing weight’. This is the first photo I took of my legs (red sock). I sent the photo to my mom to have her see what I kept referring to as my dry legs. This was after over 10 years of trying to get rid of the lesions. It is a very slow moving disease with me.

Yes, my psoriasis began – or so I thought – with the appearance of a small and barely noticeable lesion that would not heal. Determined I had skin cancer, I made the first of what would be rounds of dermatology appointments. However, later in my journey, I began to realize the my psoriasis was the result of something much more, and began much earlier than the presentation of a small dot on my leg. This journey was fraught with misinformation or just ill-informed medical professionals who are to geared to a drug prescription pad solution. Here are a few ‘shocks’ I discovered along the way which really shaped my treatment plan…or lack thereof.

Shock #1 – Medical Treatment of an Autoimmune Disorder. When my psoriasis lesion presented in 2003, I was told to just watch it. I’ve since come to realize that this advice was very bad. Because the lesion was too small to be treated and, with my history of cancer, no one would prescribe really strong drugs for such a small issue. (Good, because I didn’t want them anyway.) I also had a severe Vitamin D deficiency; where normal was 40, I had 10. This factor was overlooked by my dermatologist.

While the guidance of ‘do nothing’ was bad, this doctor could have prescribed strong drugs to kill my immue system when, in fact, my immune system was working as expected. My doctor just didn’t view psoriasis that way. I hope that the past 20 years have helped to educate him.

What I didn’t know is that I would hear this phrase for the next 20 years: Too small, not severe enough, etc. When did this little skin issue become “severe enough” to be treated? Surely, there was some cause, wasn’t there? More little spots began to appear looking like a little scrapes or knicks. Again, too small to be given oral medication (Again, Thank You!), and too much to be totally ignored. Yet, I did just that with one exception: I began to document my journey in pictures. This is the same leg, about a month later, right after a flare up. A few things to notice here. While the lesions look about the same, the redness surrounding them indicate a flaring of the wound. During a flare, everything becomes inflamed. Swollen legs and feet. My joints would ache. Towards the end of whatever would exacerbate the lesions, I would observe that the red areas now became part of the whole. Like the spread of ooze, my psoriasis crept into the healthy skin. This photo is at the end of a flare when my legs became normal again and I could see the psoriasis become larger as a result of the flare. Also, I noted the difference in leg size. This was when I realized that there may be a correlation of swelling to flare ups. My legs would swell for about two days and, then, become really thin. I could not correlate to any cause but knew there was something else, something more insidious that was part of my daily life.

I also noted that the lesions became larger within the inflammation itself. While swollen legs, feet and hands had afflicted me pretty much my entire life, I had always discounted this as just part of being me. Instead of deciding that I just skulk off into the corner, I began to become more proactive about whether or not everybody suffered as I did with swollen legs and feet. (I learned they didn’t.) Then, I began to question the treatment plan and considered this question: What if the treatment plan that has been proposed was inappropriate? (It was, for it did not search the cause but offered BandAid solutions.) During this time, I began to test certain things and looked for a dietary correlation. Changing my perspective a bit, I wondered if there was another ’cause’ for my brand of psoriasis and is there any role of bodily inflammation in a skin disorder? Inflammation is my name; disease is my game. More on that in another post. The journey was very long, windy, and extremely helpful…which lead me to shock #2.

Shock #2. Psoriasis has an internal causation. My own research showed me that psoriasis is not a skin disorder. While it presents on the skin, the ’cause’ is internal and psoriasis is labled as an ‘autoimmune’ disorder. And, do you think the medical doctor EVER told me this? No. I had to research this myself. Why would I not have been sent to an autoimmune specialist? Well, because psoriasis is labeled by the medical establishment as a skin condition because that is all people see.

We need to look past the presentation and, like obesity, challenge that these disorders are reflections of personal behavior because, frankly, they aren’t. That viewpoint, then, impacts one’s treatment options when your medical doctor believes that you are the cause of your own disease. Our medical establishment treats results because that is monetized and can be clearly justified. So, in a cut, we treat the result by using stitches and bandages. However, if the person endured their cut during an argument or violent fight, treating the injury does not solve the problem, does it? While this is an extreme example, it clearly highlights that disease may be a result of something else and not necessarily just my body going bad. Bodies don’t go bad, they are mistreated and have an unexpected result from the mistreatment.

Shock #3 – There is no treatment that will “fix” my psoriasis. Let’s fast forward now so that all of the boring past, trials and tribulations, can serve as my ‘road to recovery’. This is my psoriasis on June 19, 2021. I really believe the worsening of my symptoms was exacerbated by the Pandemic and being confined to the house. This, too, is the subject of a series of prior posts so I won’t go into this right here in any detail. Just know that I gained a siginficant amount of weight and leaned into anything and everything I ate from my childhood. This is also where I learned that I used food to soothe my anxiety and depression. The back of my leg is equally as inflamed with these sores. I’m showing only my left leg in comparison just to save and limit the yuckiness of my legs. My right leg is a bit better but shows the same progression. (The original lesion from 2003 was on my left leg so I call it ‘my older sores’.) Each spreading was denoted by small red spots or blotches that just became larger and larger. Today, this has spread to my elbows, hands, face, and nose. All of this spreading is after light treatment, oral therapies (yes, one doctor presribed one where I got extremely ill), topical therapies, and various different diet options. Nothing helped.

Shock #4 – The medical establishment does not provide prevention tips; they treat the disease. This may not always be the best course of action. This was not a new idea to me but I always just wondered more like a “What if” scenario. What if this skin disorder wasn’t caused by my body deciding it was breaking? Throughout my entire psoriasis experience, I would wonder about this and actually asked a few times about dietary correlations or other environmental causes. The answer of your body is just broken made more sense to my doctors when, in fact, I later discovered that my psoriasis IS the reflection of some underlying cause. This, I learned, by researching medical journals and SCIENCE. Yes, SCIENCE. Then, I took a step back and really looked at medical treatment and if I even received adequate treatment. Up until that point, the thought would just pass in and out, like a fleeting image. And, just recently, life gave me my answer.

This is one of those moments where you are just stunned into the truth of the matter. Sort of a ‘stunned to silence’ situation. I have a few of them in my life and this most recent experience was definitely one of them. It was this experience that solidified my hypothesis that is Shock #4. My GP/doctor is monitoring me for high blood pressure. In my most recent appointment in 2023, I was congratulated for losing 30 pounds. My weight, however, was incorrectly recorded for I had only lost 6 pounds. These 6 pounds, however, were and still are a monumental achievement for I lost them not through restriction but through conscious choice. Looking confused, my doctor read my recorded weight taken just 10 minutes prior – and I had to correct her because the last two numbers were transposed. A slight error? Well, in this same visit, I was asked if I wanted a dermatological referral – a full 20 years after my initial psoriasis diagnosis AND after I discussed in depth with this doctor during prior visits. Horrified and stunned, I just clammed up and that was that. This event was also when I realized that I needed to, once again, be my own counsel for the medical establishment was ill-equipped and unprepared to handle more complex situations of multiple symptoms that do not appear related. I needed a medical establishment that supported proactive healing and not always a pharmaceutical “solution”. And, after this recent visit, I don’t believe such exists…in this country anyway.

I began to consider my non-pharmaceutical options and once again began my research but with a new focus. You see, one of my GPs about 10 years ago muttered something about ‘vascular’ and told me to continue to see the dermatologist but we may want a vascular referral. (She has since left that practice.) I really had no idea what she meant. The only ‘vascular’ doctor I was aware of were surgeons and I certainly was not going to waste a surgeon’s time without a formal referral.

The idea, however, of an internal vascular cause for my psoriasis stayed with me. My research considered this and I began to search for a vascular possibility as the cause of my skin condition and I found a more formal term for my swelling: inflammation. By this point, I had noted and correlated the severe swelling in my legs and feet that I had always had to my psoriasis flares. In fact, I was so concerned that I was screened for psoriatic arthritis as a result of joint pain. (Negative for psoriatic arthritis, positive for osteoarthritis. Again, I have since learned that this is textbook progression of our aging process.) In bringing inflammation up to my doctor, however, the idea was quickly dismissed and the steroid route was once again discussed. This was when I realized that my psoriasis would continue despite my use of steroid and vitamin creams; I just knew that there had to be some other ‘source’ or the ‘original site’ of whatever was resulting in my psoriasis. I began to conduct my own research on vascular issues and skin disorders. Then, and this is very random, I began to wonder if the ‘particles’ or whatever my body was interpreting as a skin or autoimmune disorder was ‘pooling’ in my lower extremities due to poor circulation. Could that be a thing? I witnessed my mother-in-law and my own mother dealing with water coming through the skin on their legs. In both cases, my mother-in-law and mother would have been helped with exercise. Could psoriasis be like this but not with water but with ‘body junk’ or the results of some environmental cause that was slowly killing me? Then, I began to ponder that, in this case, what was the one thing I could do to help myself?

And that single question, my friends, was when I stumbled on the beauty and adventure of my lifetime.

My road to healing began with an exercise bike and a manicure.

More to come. Be gentle and go in peace.

My Scorched Earth Proposal

When you hear of the term ‘scorched earth’, what comes to mind for you? To me, this is the very last “take no prisoners” kind of effort. An all-out, no holds barred kind of effort. Scorched earth is defined as a military strategy that aims to destroy anything that might be useful to the enemy. So, while I’m not destroying useful things, I am destroying my own beliefs in what is right or proper treatment for my psoriasis. My new approach may create some unintended consequences. These consequences are also goals but have to be mentally and closely managed to be successful. My definition of scorched earth is more to: This is it! And, my friends, this is the subject of this post: my health journey and a beginning.

I have written about my health struggles. After my mother’s death, I took a hard look at my own life and came up concerned. My own health was following in my mom’s path and I was not going to go down easy. My main concern besides my weight is my psoraisis. While I’ve had a weight problem since I was a child, the psoriasis is an adult problem. Or, a relatively new concern that is, now, 20 years old. I’ve been very encouraged by some additional data that I’ve accumulated, and I’d like to share this with you.

The medical community failed me. Truly. For my psoriasis, the prescribed remedies were steriod creams, powerful drugs or just a shrug of the shoulders. In one case, at a leading medical hospital in New York City, the doctor just shrugged without any real solution. I had been struggling with the psoriasis for about 5 years as it slowly got worse. Working in New York City, I realized that I had access to the top medical doctors. Making an appointment, I was once again given the psoriasis diagnosis and provided my next infusion of steriod and vitamin creams. This seemed to be the modus operandi for my initial visits because, of course, no other doctor did this. Right. When I voiced such to the doctor, she pretty much said that I would need to follow just her guidance so she could properly treat me. OK, I thought. Let me give this another try.

Determined, I salved myself up everyday, my legs becoming an oily, gooey mess under my slacks. The good folks at the hospital who shall not be named surely know their business, right? And, wouldn’t you know it? The psoriasis went away! My calf skin was so clear that I could not see any evidence of prior skin issues at all. My legs were clear, skin nice and solid, and my itching was gone. I found my cure! This doctor is a genius! Then, a few weeks later and out of the blue, I began to feel bloated and I retained fluids. My hands and legs were huge, and I felt miserable with problems walking on my huge feet and just feeling well. And, wouldn’t you know it? My psoriasis came back and with a vengeance for it was really angry that I tried to evict it from my body. (By now, I created my psoraisis into “a thing” independent of me.) My swollen legs had bright red patches covering 60% of my lower leg. Before, I had blotches – spots really – this size of dimes and quarters. After this event, I now had huge chunks of red, swollen flesh. My legs appeared to be chemically burned. Did this just get worse with all of my treatments? I was stunned, and called my doctor.

Time for another visit where the doctor just shrugged. She poked around a bit and had no other offerrings. The nursing assistant who processed me into the office for my appointment had more of a reaction for he actually gasped and recoiled when I pulled up my trouser legs. I was materially worse with bright angry red blotches that looked a second away from a bloody mess. Struggling to understand what happened, I asked the doctor why didn’t the cream continue to work? My friends, this was the FIRST time I learned that psoriasis was treated by steriods but that this treatment does not resolve the problem. What? How can that be? Why would I be given treatment but no cure? And, that is when it hit me: Steroid creams will not solve the problem. I asked if there could be any nutritional correlation or something I could be doing better in my diet? The doctor said not really. I pressed because I had always believed that good nutrition equalled good health. (Folks, just because I could not follow good nutritional guidelines didn’t mean I don’t know about good nutrition. Just sayin’. You may be surprised that most obese people really do know about proper nutrition. It is following these guidelines that is difficult…or so I used to think after I began to question said guidelines.) Then, the doctor said that there were some recent studies about nutritional implications in psoriasis. My thought then was this: Why did I have to ask you repeatedly to get this information? And my only answer to that question as I pondered the visit on my way home? My changing nutrition and healing myself does not sell drugs. Or medical visits. Or snake oil cures. I realized I was part of society that was sick and would follow that path. (Sociology studiers know about this.) I began staring down psoriatic arthritis and pictured myself tragically impacted by this debiliating disorder.

Not wanting this for myself, I began a path that would take me to new heights, deep lows, meeting new friends (Hi Karen!), and ending up with a new focus: Education. I also realized that while searching for my own purpose in life, my obstacle is actually my purpose. For this reason, I plan to share my journey to healing with you in the hope that this message finds and helps someone else. What you will find out is that a kind person provided me with key insight that set me on my own path to wellness, a journey of insight, reflection, and change. Very scary but, if I can weather the storms, the results will be their own reward.

One thing I have learned is that there is a lot of information – and misinformation – available to us that is packaged up and looks really official. Check out this study on psoriasis here. To the layman, this looks really technical and must be legit because of all of the chemical notations. (This was my initial take!) However, the study has this language in its abstract section that had me wondering:

“Psoriasis patients often show unbalanced dietary habits such as higher intake of fat and lower intake of fish or dietary fibers, compared to controls. Such dietary habits might be related to the incidence and severity of psoriasis.”

Now, that is just – excuse my language here – fucking bullshit. I’m calling it. BULLSHIT. I have been on so many diets: Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, vegetarian, vegan, grain-free, AIP, liquid – you name it. I have never seen my psoriais improve with any of it. Now, most studies are reliable and probably okay. However, you needed to be really consider all of the possible issues within the testing to get the true picture. How are studies funded? What data was used? What preconceptions could there be? These are legitimate and valuable questions to be answered, too. Now, this study provided no scientific evidence for this statement, and the basis of this analysis may consider this unverified premise based on a societal viewpoint unfavorable to the obese. (And, if you don’t believe there is a bias towards people who are overweight, you need to buy the Brooklyn Bridge I’m now selling. Cheap.) I cannot tell you how many times my issues were discounted because my weight was seen as ‘the cause.’ (Hello, Endocrinologist, who told me my thyroid numbers were good only to find out – accidentally – that I had cancer of the thyroid.) Well, what if my weight is the RESULT of something else? What if our medical establishment actually focused on obesity not as a biblical failure or any type of failure of that matter. I would routinely sit with a group to eat lunch, gaining weight on my food which was half the volume of those around me. Yes, I think I gained their weight too!

Here is the dilemma for the average human: Any nutritional study is subject to interpretation because nutritional studies require very specific controls. Depending on the study, the data can be misinterpreted if the human factors influencing the measurements are not also considered. These types of trials are very expensive because you must provide for quite a lot of controls to really be able to assess the data. Therefore, most studies do not include this level of control or they are funded by large companies who have the currency to spend on biased studies to support their product. Additionally, each human is different and their bodies metabolize the same foods with different results. A lot of what I eat reacts differently with you as I described at my lunch table. Why is that? Well, my background – and genetics – are different. And, I then began to consider that I am a first generation American. My parents were German and immgrated in 1956. Therefore, they grew up eating very differently than we do today. I recalled years past and how different my diet and eating were…and when that changed, and correlated this to a specific point in my teenage years. I began to consider this approach.

First, I took on educating myself. Then, I experimented and measured success through my psoriasis healing. Then, I backtracked to clear my own journey, see what I learned, and deliberately used that learning to move forward to health. I’m doing a daily ‘check in’ on my journey right now and I’m seeing very positive results. However, time will tell if this path is one I can stay on, or if I will need to make a turn somewhere ahead. That is OK for progress – and marking progress – is extremely helpful. In the past, I buried my head to measuring progress for I didn’t want to acknowledge my own failures. (Area #1 that I needed to fix before beginning this new path.) I have many failures on my path to success. Just like dating, one has to meet many partner prospects before deciding the type of person you wanted to be with. I used to see my own struggles as failures. However, I now see these as little detours on my ultimate journey. Detours that gave me a two options: I could wallow in them, or I could pick myself up, dust myself off, bandage my wounds, and begin again. And, I remembered to bring lots of bandaids for this journey is not without injury.

To a new beginning. Peace.

A New Day, An Old Me

Hello, and welcome back.

It has been quite some time since my last post in which I discussed my struggles with depression in the loss of my mother. This last year has been a real roller coaster of emotions where the unresolved is resolved, and where the broken is put back together again, many times held together with some duct tape.

Does the duct tape make me stronger? Or, are the cracks so deep that they are irreparable? I’m not sure and, like life, time will definitely tell. I like to think that the cracks, held together with the sticky duct tape, make me stronger for I know where my weaknesses are now, don’t I? Because of the crack, I’ve been able to define why the crack exists and how to repair the crack to create a new sense of stability.

I wondered if grief works this way, too, but in a much more subtle way or with invisible duct tape. Grief can create a mirror of our lives which then reflect the many facets of reflection. We may see areas in the reflection that may not be our proudest moments. We may see the opportunity in the mirror for a little growth, too. Through death, I’ve been able to reflect on what I want in life, and where those areas might be ‘shaded’. As we walk along a certain path, these events happen for us to pause, reflect, and make course corrections. If anything comes out of death, the event does breathe a different type of living into us, doesn’t it? Like a reminder of our own mortality. We can decide to grieve the rest of our days – and that is okay. Or, we can honor the person and create more lasting memories with other loved ones in celebration of this thing we call life. I’m for the latter.

In my career, I’ve been eligible for retirement for a few years now. (Frankly, the money wasn’t quite right.) My gut told me to stick it out and, thankfully, I did. Working through the Pandemic has really been a game changer for me in that I continued to have a sense of normalcy while the world seemed to fall apart around me. The death of my mother was really the final straw that broke the old me which didn’t really fit into my new reality. While the world seemed to be simultaneously shifting while standing still, I did the same. Or, I stopped fighting the flow of things. Stopped seeing the problems before they exist, thinking that by some miracle, I could prevent whatever it was I saw happening. I usually did prevent these events from occurring. Or, so I thought.

You see, I found things that might happen and set myself up for that eventuality. In doing this activity, I was never really present because I was always looking for the next ‘shoe to drop’. (This habit is so common, there is even a saying!) Recognizing that this mindset took me out of my present moment, I began a course of training to help me determine my well-being goals and the track by which I could achieve a new outlook. This began with my signing up for a single training that appealed to my more analytical side and helped me on this current path of self-care. My beginning was very minor and fit my needs at that time. As a result of this intensive work, I was able to shift my perspective and improve my overall mental well-being. Let me add that the healing has been profound and has resulted in improving me both mentally and physically.

In my darkest time, I decided two things: First, I prayed that my mom would communicate with me by showing me a penny at random times and odd places.

I really felt her (and still do) with me and showing me pennies grounds me in the present moment. I really felt her agreement and I do find pennies from time to time in the oddest of spots, usually when I’m enjoying life. These pennies are little hugs from my mom. With a quick motion and tear, I snatch up this treasure and put them into my pocket.

The second thing I decided was to retire at the next best window. Life is just too short to work until I drop dead. My mom enjoyed almost 30 years of retirement and, while I don’t think that is in my cards, I want to really give this retirement thing a good try. In my profession, our retirement dates printed on official documents so, selecting my proper year and birthday, I went to the next ‘best’ day. Turns out, this is also my mom’s 88th birthday. The number 88 is significant to me as it represents double infinity, both in life and love. That is about all the future planning I have in the moment, and that is OK.

And, in case you think life is random, let me give you this gem. This week, besides blogging, I’m working in my garden to weed and clean. My prized possession in my garden is a peony that my mother and sister gifted me for my college graduation. Each year, it produces the most beautiful and fragrant blooms and is a showstopper. I have found that gardening is really about tending in the moment for what is to come, or the ultimate ‘being present’. In writing this post and detailing my ‘penny’ experience, I cannot help to see the correlation between the words “penny” and “peony”, and how both are representing my mom. These types of realizations – and viewing this as a deliberate message and not a coincidence – creates the drive in me to continue on my charted course or path. And, THAT, my gentle friend, is the purpose of correlating factors or, for the uninspired, coincidences. Both explanations are correct. However, which viewpoint you choose creates a passion in YOU. Seeing and feeling the passion IS living.

Peace.

One Day at a Time

(Originally posted on my sister site, mentagility.com.)

In February, I began a blog post calling it “One Day at a Time” and, while the subject matter of this post has shifted somewhat, I’m in awe at the correlation and how life brings us full circle.

At the point when I began the post, my blogging habits had curtailed. While I enjoyed my monthly blogging last year, when I ended my series on lessons I learned during the pandemic, I found myself a bit lost. (No goal, no progress?) My thinking was to just sit at my computer and try to write so I can become lost in the flow of the moment. Inspiration has to find you being busy so that your mind is open and flexible for new ideas, right? Well, I tried, wrote down a few lines – two paragraphs actually – and then just felt overwhelmed by the rush of emotion. I had to walk away for the good health of my own Mentagility.

You see, over the holidays and New Year celebrations, I found myself becoming sadder and sadder. Always an empathic person, I am used to the roller coast of other’s emotions. In this situation, however, I did not understand why these feelings just overcame me, like a mental drowning in an emotional pool of love, regret, and family – almost as if some external pressure was applied around my heart, squeezing it ever so tightly.

I also felt the presence of my father around me, whispering in my ear words of comfort. My father passed away decades ago and I feel him around me time to time and, especially, at meaningful times in my life. I felt him telling me to be prepared and that I was going to experience two significant losses in my life in 2022, one of them being my mother who, at the time, was in pretty good health. (The other will remain close to my heart as I double-down on my prayers.) My preparation took on a mental and emotional focus on how I would accept these events and still be able to cope. My focus was on prayer, developing resilience, and how I could prevent these events.

The pandemic and quarantine had already had a profound impact on me. Accordingly, I took a little break from my thinking and worrying and just tried to exist with the support of my dad. You see, it was around Christmas time, I began to call my mother every day to keep her company over the phone. (My father put the idea into my head of a daily ‘check in.’) This was so important to me that I told my boss that I was unavailable for at least one hour a day so that I could take my lunch break and speak to my mother. (He was very understanding and gave me that space. Thank you, J.)

Each day, I blocked off calendar time so my mom could rely on a phone call or a lifeline during the long and lonely days at home. I remember telling my husband on a particularly busy day where I could only scrape by 15 minutes for lunch that I was calling my mom. I told him I could eat my lunch while working but I was going to call my mom. He kindly made me lunch on those days so I could talk to my mom. (Thank you, M.) On a gut level, I knew my mom needed me more than I needed to eat lunch at that particular time.

I cherished these calls, knowing I’d never regret them once she was gone. During these calls, we’d chat about normal things: what she was doing, what she had for breakfast, how she was feeling. I also began to notice that my mother was mentally failing but not all the time. It was a strange type of situation and I wouldn’t know just what personality would greet me on the phone. My mother was sleeping about 16 hours a day at this point, exhausted both mentally and physically. My sister and I thought it was depression or dementia. (I plan to write more about her illness in a future blog post once I feel comfortable sharing those details. It has given me life lessons that I feel compelled to share with you.)

My mother passed away in April and I’m beyond heartbroken. I’m broken as a woman and wife. I really don’t know how I can continue without her as each day seems duller or less bright. I see her beautiful face in my mind and collapse with overwhelming grief. I so miss her so much; I miss those talks as lunch now seems less pleasurable. I’m so thankful to have spent time with her in person during her last weeks even in her diminished capacity. I still see her lovely face and kind eyes that shined with love every time she looked at me, even as a young child or adult when I made a poor decision or did something disappointing. I always felt the love she shared so freely even though she grew up without it. Still today, I am in such wonder and awe at how she learned such selflessness when she grew up in a surrounded by such hate and bigotry in Nazi Germany and within her own family. She continues to have a profound impact on how I will exist in the future. Through her death, she continues to teach me and I am at awe with her power from beyond the pale. I’m so proud to have enjoyed her as my mother. I love her and will love her until my own death, and, then, after that, too.

I learned that one always must lean into their gut feelings because life is not meant to be lived with regrets but with joy – even through such a profound loss. Making that call or doing that favor when asked or compelled is our cue to be in a certain place or time. My only regret was that I was unable to spend more time with Mom. I took a selfie photo of my sister, my mom, and I when she was first entered into hospice as we had such high hopes that she could/would pull out of her state. One might say that this was an odd thing to do. Frankly, I don’t give a damn because this photo is one of my most treasured possessions: the last photo of me, my mom, and my sister, together. We were all so excited to show her the large and airy hospice room, and explain to her that she would be coming home soon so she could be in her own bedroom. We had such hopes, still, that she would be okay. These days now remain with me as bittersweet memories of what we prayed and dreamed might happen, and the actual reality of living the life.

We brought Mom home and were her nurses 24/7. There was no question that my mother would spend her last days – if that were to be – in her own bedroom, surrounded by her beloved daughters and photos of a life well-live.

Caring for her was the honor of my life. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I was able to care for her as she did for me as a baby. I learned that this doesn’t always happen for many parents, and I was so happy to be my mother’s daughter – her oldest baby – the one who made all of the mistakes and was such a trial to my parents.

God, how I so miss them both. How does one get over the loss of a parent, much less their dear mother; the one who gave me life, caring, and comfort during my most weakest years of my life? I don’t know and I’m not worried about it as I’m taking a day at a time.

I must end this here as this post is over-whelming for me and I must step back a bit to continue my healing. (This is progress for me, thanks to my Mom.) And, in case you were wondering, here is that blog post from February. It is those ‘gut’ feelings that are our true inspirations and our relationship with others helps us become who we were destined to be.

I love you, Mom. Always your daughter.

From February: I find that I try to live my life in large chunks, always looking at what is going to happen in the next few days. The unknown creates an anxiety in my ‘today’ and keeps my focus not on what is currently in front of me but what I going to happen…maybe. This is a really exhausting place – mentally – to reside. In essence, I worry about a lot of things that may never happen, and do this on the regular without realizing. I used to think that this was just normal and I now realize that this isn’t normal but is from a place of not wanting to be where I am today – or not trusting that I will be able to handle what is coming up for me.

I realized that a lot of my own anxiety is my lack of understanding of the situation and my inability to control my environment. This used to make me angry or frustrated WITH MYSELF. I finally figured out that I was getting angry about something that wasn’t even a thing! When I finally recognized the source of my discomfort was in my own mind and an excuse to beat myself up, I felt sort of foolish at getting upset at fake stuff. How many of us do this today without even realizing what is happening?

Wishing you much love and peace. Hug your parents for me if you still can.

Lessons from 2021 – December or Changing My View of Failure

As many of you know, I manage two different blogs: OwnYourWobble and Mentagility. Both of these blogs deal with aspects of critical thinking and I’m finding that the subject matter is beginning to overlap. Initially, Mentagility – my first blog – was designed to be more business-minded, focusing on productivity and leadership. However, I found the need for creative expression in a more personal way and began OwnYourWobble to share more personal struggles with others who find themselves in the same predicament.

My post on Mentagility this month really resonated to an OwnYourWobble situation so I’m sharing this here as I think this applies to both aspects.

I hope you enjoy, and wishing you all a very Happy New Year! The original post link is here: https://www.mentagility.com/failure-a-changed-mindset/

* * * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * *

In writing my post for this month, I like to begin in the prior month and ‘channel’ a few residual thoughts from my just completed post. I note areas that I didn’t include but are of interest to me at that time and this gives me a little creative loop.

(Note on the image for this post: When I was selecting my featured image for this post, I searched for a picture to denote “failure.” I thought that the “shame” image was very telling on how our society perceives failure as, perhaps, something to be ashamed of? Isn’t that interesting? It is my goal with this post to change our view of failure into something more positive. I hope you continue reading.)

The following were my hastily typed notes from last month and in reviewing these notes I found them to resonate for me in December. Here they are:

Changed my mind about a few things…this came to me by inspired thinking

1.) We must break before we can build

2.) Trusting our own personal timing and ‘flow’

3.) Make decisions from an ‘abundance’ mindset

4.) The importance of sincerely seeing the beauty in ourselves first

This month, I did follow this guidance in my personal life and struggles to improve my feeling of health. In my weight loss journey, I began to feel very restricted which began as a physical sensation and evolved into a mental frame of thinking. With the surge of COVID-19 in the Northeast, we began to once again be isolating into a quarantine. This external driver created another internal loop of my normal behavior to ‘cope’. Instead of using this coping mechanism, however, I elected to choose a different path: Self-love. I listened to myself, considered my known situation, and gave in to the removal of perceived restrictive behavior. Because I gave myself the Grace to be in the moment, I turned a corner in how I viewed my personal journey. This decision reflected #4. I saw myself as a person, not as a thing to be belittled. I spoke to myself as I would a friend, not an enemy. This is how I gave myself ‘Grace’ or a higher feeling of love than I had ever known before. My decision considered #3, my abundance mindset, because I saw the entire journey to health as a journey, not a destination. I considered everything that I have in life and was so grateful to actually have this struggle because there are so many struggles that could be considered worse.

I began to see the significance of the timing of my struggle which ticked my #2 idea. The timing of the holiday season could not be denied and was key to my understanding of how I wish to achieve my health goals. Everything in our lives is timing; I am beginning to see timing as my Divine guidance and have begun to be more of an observer of life and letting things ‘flow’ from me and not necessarily ‘to’ me. I’d like to live life more like thinking that “the ‘to'” is taken care of already by what I put out to the world. I finally realized that I can only control my behaviors in the moment which stem from my beliefs. Our beliefs are extremely important to mentagility so I’m very cognizant of how they originate … and my interpretation of them.

This leads me to #1: We must break before we can build. When I discuss ‘break’ in this sense, it is not a literally breaking of things or of self. It is more of a breaking of beliefs that no longer serve me. It is my judgement to what serves me which is why it is important that our judgment be free of bias or the “trappings of life”. When I have a belief that does not feel good, I really began to examine the belief from a few different perspectives – mainly, internal and external. What internal measures am I consciously or unconsciously using? What are the external factors? I review these areas without emotion so that I can more scientifically assess them.

If I have an emotion within the belief as I did in my recent struggle, that emotion is to be addressed first so that I can better understand the cue that life has given me. Emotions are neither good nor bad; they are cues to my personal beliefs about a given situation, both known and unknown. This unraveling of your emotions takes time which we may believe we don’t have. (That is also a belief that is based on your behavior, isn’t it?) We actually do have time because, Dear Reader, this is the reason we are living. It is not doing a job and earning a good salary. Nor, is our purpose to necessarily being a good parent. Those roles and purposes are trappings of our lives and where or how we grew up. We are all in our personal situations as a type of classroom where we can learn. Classrooms take all shapes and sizes, interactions and events. I believe that as long as we realize that there is a benefit in all things, we can actually begin to see the positive which helps to give a certain belief and begins the rebuilding process.

Here’s the thing. I’ve tried this journey before and have failed at one point or another. Rather than learn from ‘the’ past failures before, I berated myself for them and, thus, doomed myself to repeat them in one form or another. By accepting failure as an example of what isn’t working – and de-personalizing the failure – I’m creating a healthier ‘me’ in the long run because I no longer focus on what happened but on the lessons I learned as a result. It is our belief or perspective that helps us see past the emotions and understand and accept these failures so we can continue to learn. And, in that, a failure isn’t anything other than a missed cue or a needed change in one’s perspective. Peace, and may you, too, fail in your goals so that you can learn more about yourself in the journey.

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

Lessons from 2021 – November or Waiting for Inspiration Gets One Everywhere

As you read my lessons from November, it is just gone December 4th. My lesson is really short: Be Inspired. I have found that I feel better and have better results when my actions are taken after inspiration. Many times, inspiration can even result from my inaction which, in itself, is actually an action. It is how we define inspiration that separates us. Inspiration is that niggle of an idea or a phrase that we just overlook because we are too busy to listen and pay attention.

The idea came to me in a recent dream experience that I’d like to share. In this dream, I realized that my own personal inspiration comes to me in a whisper of an idea, a dream, or an inclination to do or be something…different. Fear keeps me small and is a damn waste of energy. My inspiration is the kindness of a stranger, or the beauty of nature around me, or the laugh of my partner over something really trivial. It used to be that nasty voice telling me I wasn’t ‘enough.’ Now, the voice is much more relaxed due to my acceptance of who I am and what I’m about. I’ve come to realize that the voice is always there and is what one may call my own personal intuition. It reflects my own opinions and that nastiness was my own extreme self-judgment which kept me moving forward, on a path. As I said above, the idea came to me in a dream that was so profound and occurred the night that I asked my own self to help me see what my reason for being is. I’ve been studying brain science and the subconscious: the roles it plays in our lives. One of the exercises is to ask for a dream to help one navigate to their true purpose, which is exactly what I did this evening. I asked: Am I just to be a wife, sister, and daughter in this life? I would like to help others find this sense of peace that I’ve chased through my decades of breathing to find – and recently realized that it was always within myself. I used to look externally for what I already had and that had been buried so deep that I lost my own sense of self through always trying to fit in. Big, big, mental movement forward. ❤

My dream was very profound and occurred the night that I requested the dream. I was traveling with a large suitcase, computer bag, and purse – my normal M.O. It was a busy airport and felt like what I imagine Tokyo to feel like. Busy, with people of all kinds going every direction. (I originally noted that it was Newark Airport but the airport was new, shiny, really clean…or not Newark. Sorry, Newark, this airport was so modern and clean, the floors were all shiny white tiles. Newark reminds me of a 70s den with wood paneling.)

I was struggling with my luggage, alternating how to carry it all for the wheels took up too much space; I struggled in walking through the airport from gate to gate. I was traveling with three people, one of which was my sister. (Odd.) We were being picked up by my colleague’s father who looked like a man I used to work for when I was 18. He was joined by another man who I worked for at the same place. (These two ran a company that sold electronic parts off the boat through a catalog service. I handled the order desk and was always told that any delays were stuck on a boat through customs.) Anyway, in my struggling with my luggage, I lost track of the bosses’ direction and we got separated from them…and ended up stopping for lunch. Everything was tile floors, bright black and white lighting, and a lot of neon for an airport. While we stopped to rest, I received an email from the boss asking where we were. (Why didn’t he call me, I don’t know.) We got moving again as I struggled to read and respond to his email asking where we were in the airport, along with always dropping or losing my luggage and stopping while people got mad at me, running around me as I was slowing the pace of the entire airport. This was a particular memory as I struggled with the communication form as we can sometimes do when our devices don’t cooperate. Finally, after a significant struggle, I was able to read the email – the time that went by seemed like hours. I was told that they were at gate 920 or 902…the 20 and 02 in those numbers flipped flopped like an old burned out neon sign. I noted that we were at gate 11 in the airport. I was told to find “Akira” and that they would be meeting me there. As I struggled with understanding how I would get to gate 920, I woke up.

When I ask for a dream from my subconscious to help me navigate, I will go to bed with a journal so that I can review and record the dream for later interpretation. The areas that stand out are giving a highlight and I do some internet research in the area just to figure out what it all means.

What stood out to me were three things, listed in an order of priority based on my immediate feelings upon waking up:

1.) The gate numbers: 11 and 920. I was aghast at how far they’d come and how little traveling I had done in the same time. The number 11 is always a sign to me that I’m supported by the Universe. What does 920 mean?

2.) What the heck is Akira? Is this a restaurant? It was repeated to me and I figured I’d seen this in an airport at some point. (Literal me.)

3.) Why couldn’t I just roll my luggage? Why was the use of email also a struggle? What was the reason for all of the struggling when I had the means to NOT struggle?

Here are the answers that I found and believe to be helpful for me.

1.) The meaning of the number 920. Thank you to angelnumber.org for their work in this area. From this site, I was able to ascertain the following:

As an ‘angel number’, “…[t]he number 920 combines the energy and attributes of the numbers 9, 2, and 0. The number 0 intensifies the energy of other numbers, in this case, the numbers 9 and 2. The number 9 symbolizes spirituality and spiritual evolvement, as well as the path towards spiritual awakening and enlightenment. This number also symbolizes humanitarianism, service to the humankind, philanthropy, altruism, peace, faith, karma, the Universal Spiritual Laws, lightworking and lightworkers. It also symbolizes endings and closures, as well as serving as an example to others. The number 2 signifies balance, duality, harmony, mediation, diplomacy, teamwork, compassion, compromise, cooperation, selflessness, peace, encouragement, trust, faith, stability, service to others, responsibilities, empathy, relationships, partnerships, love, and kindness. This number also symbolizes following your soul’s purpose and mission in this life. The number 0 is a symbol of infinity and eternity, wholeness and oneness, cycles, phases, flow, closures and new beginnings, potential, new opportunities, chances, God and the energy of the Universe, spirituality, and spiritual development.

The number 920 in general signifies major closures and endings, as well as new beginnings in your life. It also symbolizes the change of cycles and phases in one’s life.

It symbolizes relationships, selflessness, balance, stability, faith, trust, spirituality, spiritual evolving, humanitarianism, serving humanity, altruism, and philanthropy.

This number also symbolizes teamwork, partnerships, compromise, lightworking, cooperation, duality, diplomacy, mediation, service to others, infinity, wholeness, oneness, phases and cycles, potential, and new opportunities.

The Secret Meaning and Symbolism

The angel number 920 is a message from the Universe, which confirms that you are on the right path to fulfill your Divine soul’s purpose and mission in this life.”

WOW! I was reading this at 5:30AM and was just gobsmacked that I had actually dreamed this information! I took a sip of the coffee and continued with my research.

2.) What is Akhira? When I ‘Googled’ the term, it was spelled this way but I pronounced it with more of an ‘a’ sound that that with the ‘i’ in the back of the word. The first term was this:

“Akhirah is the term used in Islam to describe the belief in everlasting life after death. Muslims regard life on Earth as a test from Allah, to prepare them for eternal life. … Muslims believe they can enter Paradise by living according to the teachings of the Qur’an.”

Now, I’m not of the Islamic faith so this was totally out of left field for me. However, given what I had learned on the number of 920, I accepted that my dream referenced this in its meanings. My final destination. What a beautiful reference, too, to a faith that is not my own. This also spoke to me that all faith is good. Having faith is a beautiful thing that we humans enjoy.

3.) This meaning to me was obvious. The luggage I was struggling with was my own personal baggage that was weighing me down. My struggle with handling everything became the entire focus of my journey and got me a bit lost. To answer being lost, I stopped and had lunch. See this site for a full explanation. I have had the dream of struggling with luggage before, and being left behind. This seemed to be a running theme in my dreams for the past few years. What I had not had was the clarity of purpose, or the other notes which is why this item is third.

Now, you may wonder how inspiration figures here. Well, I learned of the idea of the subconscious mind in reading I’m doing. This book is fascinating and a recommendation from Jim Fortin. (Listen, folks, if you are struggling with changes in your life, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND JIM FORTIN’S WORK AND PODCAST. It has changed my life.) I came upon Jim’s work after listening to a totally unrelated comic discuss the profound impact it made for her while relaxing at home one evening. Her discussion was so much how I was currently thinking that the message could have been FOR me. I felt inspired to find out more. In researching Jim’s work, he discusses brain science, shamanism, and all things transpersonal psychology. He recommended two books to read, one of which was The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy. A dated but fascinating discussion of the formation of the brain and impact on humans. It is sitting at my bed table for night time studying.

It occurred to me in the writing of this post that, by just following my own inspiration, I have made such a profound ‘leap’ in my own development through listening and acting on my own internal voice. I stopped arguing with myself and am now a creature of inspired action. This has resulted in a decrease of anxiety and a level of self- acceptance I never thought possible. A work in progress, sure, with all of the ebbs and flows that life provides in our grand journeys. As I was saying just yesterday, when life begins its ebbs, we need to flow to meet the ebb…or not. We can wait for the flow to return which is part of the larger Universal design, right? I’ve accepted that I’m different and that is by design. I’m okay with being unique and not conforming to expectations – even my own. Not more, just different.

Here’s hoping that as we hunker down into winter up here in the cold northern hemisphere, you find your inspiration in the solitude of the evening or the smile of your dog. (Yes, they smile!) A suggestion: Listen to your intuition and let the inspiration find you when the time is right for both of you! The work we have to do is to clear up our mental clutter to be able to hear. Peace and love for the end of 2021.

Lessons from 2021 – October or Adventures in Discipline

From the title of this post, I bet you were wondering just what I was up to in the discussion of “discipline.” Discipline in this context is more to “…the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.” I emphasize the latter part of this definition because one may think that discipline and punishment are part of the same thought. (Not necessarily.)

Merriam Webster – those intrepid dictionary folks – define discipline as “…a rule or system of rules governing conduct or activity…” among other definitions. However, the idea of punishment is part of the definition as a verb (i.e., disciplining a child). To exercise discipline, however, is a type of self-control. Curiously, the definition of self-control is “…restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions, or desires.” So, can a person punish themselves as part of their own self-control efforts because that is their pattern of adapting or coping? (Yes, I think so.)

I’ve been doing a lot of self-study following the work of Jim Fortin. Fortin is, among other things, a transformational psychologist. In our world today, the terms are synonymous with being a “transpersonal” psychologist. Transpersonal psychology focuses on incorporating all elements of the human experience, including one’s spirituality. Many religions have hijacked this term for their teachings, too. Transpersonal psychologists can even adopt a religious or mainstream religious theme in its teaching which, in my opinion, short changes the idea of transformation. Like, if you don’t believe my religion, you are unable to utilize the ideas of a transpersonal psychology. What a load of bullshit.

In a Googling of the term, however, the following was also offered: “Transformation, used in psychology (and New Age thought), refers to a major change or shift in an individual’s thought and/or behavior patterns. This type of change normally requires a major change in thought patterns and values.” If you’ve been paying attention, you will find the religions tend to change meanings to fit with their values and we just all go along with the change or shift. This is not happening with me because the subject is just way too complex to box into religious dogma. We are discussing actual brain science which Fortin highlights in his podcasts and training. If you are looking to change some habits or transform an area of your life, do yourself a favor and listen to Fortin.

A better definition for transformational or transpersonal psychology is found here. This site defined transpersonal psychology this way: “Transpersonal psychology is a field or school of thought in psychology centered on the spiritual aspects of human life. The term transpersonal psychology was first introduced in the 1960s by psychologists such as Abraham Maslow and Victor Frankl. This field utilizes psychological methods and theories to examine the spiritual subject matter…Transpersonal psychology is a label for a type of psychological theory that embraces a wide variety of ideas that have nothing to do with religion and everything to do with the mind and behavior. Transpersonal psychology looks at the whole human experience.”

There are so many meaning to words, aren’t there? One needs to understand the context in the use of the word to truly understand its meaning. Just in the above discussion about discipline and transformation psychology, I might have just blown your mind. That is what happened with me and the idea of discipline. I’m trying to change long-standing maladaptive coping habits that I didn’t even recognize I had created as a young person. I began to understanding that my view of discipline as both restriction and punishment which caused me to run the other way from it. However, if you think of discipline as a measure of self-control, the idea of discipline without punishment is very freeing. My entire life, I have hated the idea of discipline because I had unknowingly used this idea as an opportunity to create a very negative mental feedback loop – or my own self-punishment. (Why be disciplined only to beat myself up? I’d rather just keep on keeping on.) I finally realized what was happening and, after recognizing this “go to” as something I wished to change in myself, I began to pay attention to words and situations that cause me anxiety or mental stress.

It is the “how do I fix this?” that got me on the road to understanding that we all have coping strategies, and some are just more effective than others. In any situation where change is the goal, one doesn’t need to understand the why unless the behavior is so ingrained that the brain takes over without a secondary thought or action. It has been a slow going process which in hindsight is probably for the best. Change over time tends to stick more with me than the instant flip of a switch. How do I know that this is working for me? Again, time is the teller of tales. This week was particularly stressful and scary for me having to take care of my spouse while he was laid low. In putting myself second, I made a conscious decision and there were times where my current health goals took a back seat. However, instead of using this situation as another opportunity to create a new negative loop, I became really tolerant of myself and, well, I cut myself some slack. And, I really felt that slack loosening some of my old maladaptive coping habits that have done very little for me. I created a more healthy strategy and it helped me to deal with the week. Instead of seeing the “big picture” of possibilities, I dealt with the facts of the matter and cut the problem into bite size pieces. I dealt in the now and did not assume anything so my expectations were reduced to nothing. This lack of mental expectation really allowed me to take care of business without worrying for the future…for now. I have recognized that I worry a lot about the future without realizing that I’m creating my future right now through my view in this minute. And, the next minute. Good habits become good over time and repetition. Yes, it is the old saying of wash, rinse, and repeat. Just make sure you have some good “shampoo” that feeds your head in a positive way.

Peace.

Lessons from 2021 – September or Three New Daily Habits

It is August 29, 2021, and I’ve just completed my post for the month of August. In this, I examined my original draft written about three weeks ago and compared this to my feelings today which were completely different and I wanted to understand why that happened. I found that I slacked off on my planning and let my incoming emails dictate the day and I’m feeling the mental stress of my lack of planning.

For September, I am committing to making a structure of three different areas with the following goals:

Personal – I will do one “chore” each day towards the overall maintenance of my home. Each chore will be no more than a collective 20 minutes; any longer chores will be split up over a few days.
Self-Care – I will do at least one positive thing towards my health goals of wellness. This may include: eating breakfast, choosing fruit and more natural sweets, drink water, exercise, meditate, wash/moisturize my skin, wear matching clothing, etc.
Work – Select my “one thing” and complete it to the best of my ability. Time block mornings for execution, afternoons for communication. If it takes multiple days, take the time and block it off.

Now that I’ve written my intentions here, I shall copy this into my journal (Hey, Self-Care!!) so that I can keep it in my intentional focus. I will report back at the end of September with my thoughts.

WEEK ONE CHECK IN – Week Ending September 3, 2021

I decided to add to my original plan a weekly review which includes a check in with myself for a month seems too long and doesn’t allow me to have my own personal “immediate” feedback. This week was hectic – two days I worked straight through without a lunch break or any pauses. I recognized that a lot of my normal self care and personal chores existed in my AM and PM routines so I acknowledged those in my planner. Both of these routines have been ongoing for a while now but without a daily intention or acknowledgement. Checking them off each day gave me a feeling of satisfaction, the formality of setting this in my calendar extremely helpful. Interesting, right? I also added a work task to each day that was not my “One Thing” but was for the purpose of that day and what was best for my organization. This, in turn, helped me so this type of thinking became my “one thing”…for now. I realize that there is no personal element considered in this type of thinking and that will need to shift if I’m to enjoy what I do for a living.

Since working from home during COVID, the morning routine I’ve found that works best for me was based on my assessment using Atomic Habits of my daily patterns and each task is designed to initiate the next task. (Now, I’m on autopilot.) My AM routine consists of – and not in any specific order:

wake
start coffee (push button)
take AM pill (on empty stomach)
morning ablutions (or shower depending on the day)
make my AM bulletproof coffee
read the news (only while “going” which is about what the news is worth to me these days)
meditate (I’m listening to a great audio book as a meditation strategy)
dress
make breakfast for the dog and I
take AM vitamins & other medicines with food
journal
start work

FINAL THOUGHTS – Week One

Now, many of you may say, “Why doesn’t she make her bed?” which seems to be the cornerstone of everyone’s morning routine. Well, I have a partner that does not get up at the same time as I do. I mention this because there is a lot of information about morning routines in the Inter-World — and there is no one right way. That is why Atomic Habits was so helpful. (You’re welcome.) Having my goals in my journal where I viewed them every day was also really helpful. One cannot achieve something if your focus is elsewhere. I also used my planner and checked off all of my achievements. I find that a “healthy” look – without judgment – of my progress will be key for me. On to Week #2!

WEEK TWO CHECK IN – Week Ending September 10, 2021

Last week was a bit more chaotic than the first week. I began my week with a good plan of daily assessments along with my “AM” and “PM” routines noted in my calendar. The structure helped me to see that I lacked a bit of discipline in my planning.

My “One Thing” for the job, however, wasn’t as clear to me each day. (Considering my job takes up more than a third of each day, not setting my “One Thing” each day was detrimental to my overall productivity. (Note: I only realized this after the fact.) If left unchecked, my days can be filled with “shallow work” or, as Professor Cal Newport says in his book, Deep Work:

“Shallow Work: Noncognitively demanding, logistical-style tasks, often performed while distracted. These efforts tend to not create much new value in the world and are easy to replicate.” (Page 6)

By the end of the week, I felt this lack of stability very clearly in my choice of tasks that may not have been the best use of my time. In the middle of the week, I took a day off just because. While this wasn’t on my schedule per say, I felt the need to walk away from my work for a bit of a break and practiced being retired. person-768787__340 I feel like I have one foot in both worlds: working and retired. I’m making the mental transition, too, and have a bit of myself scattered all over the place. This “scattering” may be why I’m not mentally engaged in either place. Focus, like willpower, I’m learning, is limited and each area of focus takes a bit more energy so that I’m not really able to focus on one thing at a time. I’m working out a “time blocking” scenario for working that includes my routines. For those of you interested, here is my PM routine:

Decide to go to bed (I don’t have a set time, usually signaled by my couch dozing)
Clean kitchen, reset dishwasher, wipe counters and spills, clean sink which usually takes me about 15 minutes. It is a good break from the television, too.
Set up coffee so that I can hit a button.
Brush teeth
Wash and moisturize face
Prep CPAP machine (Yay! Thanks, menopause and being overweight)
Treat psoriasis with whatever cream a doctor gave me that is purported to work
Read a few pages until dozing

That is about it for my PM routine. It doesn’t take me long and I like the bit of a break between watching television and actually sleeping.

FINAL THOUGHTS – Week Two

I’m a bit tired at the end of this week, more mentally than physically. I’m not sure why other than my attention is a bit scattered, like I have a lot on my plate but am unaware of everything. And, I’m not even sure that this is the reason for the unease. I do think that focusing on too much at once is unhealthy for me and I don’t feel like I’m really involved due to the lack of focus. I think I will make more of an effort to be in the moment and focus on what is in front of me – whether I placed it there or life has given me a new opportunity for growth. I also think that I lacked meal structure and have taken a few options in my shopping to help me stay nourished in a more structured kind of way. Last week, we had some work done on our house which changed my normal. I did not prepare and could not go grocery shopping because the trucks blocked the garage. The work is marvelous and one of the three projects I must do before I can officially retire. This may be why I feel like I’m in two places at once. Interesting thought that my external goals for my house are impacting to such a degree my retirement feelings and my plan.

This week, I plan to time block my mornings and select my most important task to complete each day. I will continue with my AM and PM routines as they are. I also need to add one household chore to each day, which I will do….AND STICK WITH IT.

WEEK THREE CHECK IN – Week Ending September 17, 2021

Last week was a pretty productive week if you look at my calendar. I don’t really “feel” that my week was productive, however. I’m not sure why that is and am considering that productivity is more of a state of mind than an actual “thing.” Like, I need to “feel” productive in order to be productive? (Editing Note: In week one, above, I made the following statement: I find that a “healthy” look – without judgment – of my progress will be key for me. BAM! I actually caught myself before sliding down my normal hole of despair and self-focused negativity.) So, taking my sage wisdom from about two weeks ago, let me re-frame my week a bit.

What I did do was work to shift on the small things and began compounding them each day for a successful outcome. I began to block my time on Wednesday and found that I got work done without a lot of interruption. (Cool!) The structure – interestingly enough – also helped me to schedule in some exercise which I added on Friday and Saturday. (OMG!) I wrote into my planner “AM Routine” and “PM Routine” before the week began, and checked them off each day in my planner. That simple writing it down, stopping each day to check, thinking about my routine, and the physical act of “checking a box” really helped me to mentally “block” the time for myself. I also journaled a few days as well.

While I always mentally blocked time in my mind, my reality never really formally adapted to this construct which created a sense of incompleteness in my day. By externally writing things more formally in my planner, this action mentally closed a completion loop for me. (Interesting.) I also began to write my One Thing for work and for my household, the latter of which did not get done during the week. Frankly, I could care less today. (Again, interesting.) I want the result (clean house) but the daily tasks were apparently too much for me. As I understand these concepts, I’m going to need to see this task (clean house) as a smaller set of more doable tasks. As I look back at my week just completed, I was so focused on what I didn’t do that this perspective created an overall negativity that is like a lone dark cloud on an otherwise sunny day and altering your plans because there is a chance of rain. Seems I may have tapped into something “off” in how I think here which will give me something to consider for next week.

FINAL THOUGHTS – Week Three

I do better with a bit of formalized structure to my life; this is a benefit for me. This constant mental chatter of my own progress (and lack thereof) is challenged when I formalize the structure so my own mental “truth” can be faced with the facts, in my own handwriting, in my planner. In my review of this week, this profoundly impacted me. This realization is also key: my version of discipline must have a structure, be formal, and be accountable – and honestly accountable. No bad feelings over here, just realization and acceptance. For Week Four, I will strive to ensure that my structure is sound, relevant, and applicable. Where I feel the structure is lacking or not as successful, I will go smaller and into tinier pieces until I reach the right feeling (or frequency), and then compound them through my daily habits, being satisfied with what is “right now.” On to Week Four!

WEEK FOUR CHECK IN – Week Ending September 24, 2021

Dear Reader, if you are still with me this far, thank you!! This journey, the chronicling of my thinking over the past month in my blog, has been really inspiring. My lesson learned is that my “structure of disciplined ideas” – which is what I’m calling my routines – really helped me. Just yesterday, I had a medical appointment in the afternoon that took me out of my normal routines. No cooking, so we had some takeout for dinner so my dishes were minimal. I was also extremely tired – mentally exhausted – at another tough week. As I was preparing for bed – or “executing my PM routine” – skipping steps felt unnatural to me. I began to look at those few dishes in the sink and my clean dishwasher that needed emptying with a different mindset. My mindset was not of “Ugh!” but of “How long does this really take?” and “If I stop mentally arguing with myself, I’d be done with XX by now.” (Interesting.) My habit of doing the dishes at night ‘stuck’ and I did them quickly, routinely, and went to bed.

Now, I wondered how much of that was habit versus mind-over-matter, like did I just do this because I knew I was blogging on the subject? Was my physical and mental discomfort over the messy kitchen real or make believe? The very next day, I got my answer. On Saturday, September 25, 2021, or yesterday, I had the same situation. We had to take our Toby to the doctor at 2pm – smack dab in the middle of the afternoon which throws my routine right out. We then went grocery shopping, again, outside of the normal routine, ordered our favorite pizza – an eggplant Napolitano with balsamic glaze – from Mama Theresa’s in New Windsor, New York. We have not had this since before the Pandemic so this was such a treat that we ordered a whole pie – or eight slices. By the time we got home, the time was around 5 p.m. so dinner was leftovers as we got hungry. This resulted in my same situation – minimal dishes and a tired Susan. I, again, told my husband I was going straight to bed – and ended up doing the dishes AND watered my plants. Why? Because, my Dear Reader friends, I had built a habit of waking up to a clean and tidy kitchen. My habit was not necessary to do dishes but to wake up with a clean kitchen. Cool, right? Just that little change in my perspective helped me to create a solid and comfortable habit. I’ve always wanted to be the person who could not go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink … and now, I am that person.

FINAL THOUGHTS – Week Four

I finally understand how discipline can help me in my life in other areas, too. Restriction is not something I’m good with and need to remember that. However, discipline is very good for me if I get it out of my head and onto paper. As a person who is highly visual, this makes sense because the act of putting my thoughts to papers helps me see my progress – rather than relying on my faulty perception to feel my progress. Feeling my progress is also misleading because these feelings get clouded with, well, life. Good day? Feels great, making progress. Bad day? Sucks! No progress made. (See my correlation?)

This realization has been throughout the week in other areas, too, since I began to pay attention. I’m also a great believer in the synchronicities in life giving us direction…if we are paying attention. I began to realize that the structure I’ve created is not “restriction” as I had felt but of “discipline” which is a very different mindset. When going to bed, thinking of discipline and how positive an experience this had been for me, I pulled out my night table reading materials. I’m re-reading The One Thing to my support myself through this experience. Using my book mark I opened to the chapter I’d left off from the previous evening’s reading. This was Chapter 6: A Disciplined Life. Yes, Dear Reader, this happened, and I was paying enough attention to recognize this little “Atta Girl” from the universe. I also found a great summary of the book here for those of you intrigued.

MY FIVE LESSONS LEARNED FOR SEPTEMBER 2021:

Creating a structure for myself is a key area of my life that I need to consider in what I do and who I am. There is a discipline in this that makes me extremely comfortable and helps my negative self-talk become a small whisper instead of a constant yelling. Seeing this structure has helped me to create an exercise routine that I’m enjoying, an eating routine that keeps me nourished with good food choices, and a mentally supporting style of thinking that is really helping me feel better.
Having discipline within myself doesn’t mean I’m locked in to anything. It means that I have the freedom of choice – at all times. That is restriction.
And, speaking of restriction, I don’t do well with restriction – yet I tend to see the world in that way. My changing references in my mental body will be key so that, where I feel any restriction, I must review the situation for what it truly is. In my life, I cannot view any changes as “restriction” or these will become sour and cause me untold amount of mental anguish.
Having the discipline to create good structures for myself doesn’t mean I’m locked into just that; I can always add or take away what no longer works. Change doesn’t mean anything failed; change means only that circumstances – whatever they are – have shifted.
Don’t add a “value” label or a “belief” label to anything, anyone, or myself – the latter of which is my normal focus. Labels take judgment and perception that are most likely way wrong. Don’t judge others for the same; they are also on the journey.

CONCLUSION:

All in all, September was a helluva month. What a turning point. My acceptance of myself has lead me to very different realizations that I will begin to follow in other life areas. These realizations have also really helped me to overcome a few mental challenges in stepping up my game. Maybe some of the changes take, maybe some need smaller increments to help them stick. Whatever life throws at me, however, can be handled for I have the discipline and restriction to handle life – whether that means to step back and watch, or to jump right in and take a deep dive.

Peace, Dear Reader. Be well, and welcome fall.

Lessons from 2021 – August or Executing On An Idea

I develop my “Lessons for the Month of…” post ideas from the month that just passed. Usually, after I finish a blog post, I’m mentally drained. That is a good time to just “tune in” to my inner self and think about what I’d like to write about for the next month. The blog post begins at that point with my writing the title, a few sentences of my idea for that month, and then I let it “stew” for a bit until I’m ready to write. What is fascinating to me is how much the topic correlates to actual events in my life, like I had planned the event to support my blog post idea! And, the realization hit me this morning: I’ve been executing on my ideas all month and see the accomplishment. (BTW, as I edit this, there is a loud snoring coming from my dog who graces me with his presence today. It is a comforting sound to hear a creature so trusting that he sleeps soundly on the floor next to me. I’m enjoying my present today. ❤ )

Here are the notes I wrote to myself last month: “Write about how important an idea is, and that one must “execute” the idea because an idea without execution is just a dream. Make your dream a reality through planning, planner peace.” Well, Dear Reader, once I put my idea in storage for the month, I usually let the idea go to either root for further examination in the following month, or to totally get dumped with a new and emerging idea or event. I have given myself the ability to pivot whenever I feel the creative juices flow in a different direction. Funnily enough, however, I’ve never done the latter and just scrapped an idea for my ideas have always had some kernel or nugget of truth in the month that just passed. Isn’t that interesting? Anyway, I had planned to discuss the importance of acting on an idea and that is just what I’m doing these days and, to my surprise, it feels great!

In my notes, I mention “planner peace” which many of you may not relate to this, or be familiar with the term. (For me, this is a key tool to anchor me in my thinking.) For those of us who enjoy all things productivity, planner peace is like a type of Nirvana. For those uninitiated, planner peace is defined as “…When you find the perfect system and style….w(h)ere every planner wants to be. There are many options to consider – size, functionality, style and much more.” Planner peace is something I’ve strived for each day – trying to be better and accomplish everything in my heart’s desire, all rolled up into a paper journal or organization system. I’ve recently found this planner peace in my life but not in the way you may think. After years of videos, different planning styles, using “Frankenplanners” which are combinations of multiple systems, studying technology for productivity, and everything in between, I realized that nothing works if you don’t use it — which kept happening to me. I felt like a personal failure each time I failed. Then, I watched a Skillshare course on “Planner Peace” by this instructor who is so inspiring to me. Rather than beating myself up over yet another failure, I began to accept that this try did not work – AND it was only a try so rather than wallow, why not assess what worked and what failed…. and why, and gave myself a bit of tolerance to try again. (Not my normal M.O.) In doing so, I realized that I loved writing things down but not everything, that I wanted something that was pretty and made me happy (sorry, plain paper), and that I could also add my own flair – if I wanted to. I settled on a Happy Planner for my pretty needs, a horizontal layout which gives me just enough room for what I want to record, and stickers for little notes and to add some bling. I can be found adding stickers to my planner during long meetings where I’m in listen only mode. I found that if I’m busy with my hands, I can listen a bit better, too, as I’m not mentally distracted from the subject matter. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), after this month of endless meetings, my planner is decorated all the way through October! (And, having this all set up makes me so happy!)

And, speaking of endless meetings, I also began to write down my One Thing each day in the different areas of my life that are – right now – extremely important and part of my focus. They are: personal, home and work. That is it, folks. Three One Things done each day for me to feel like the day was a success. And, that, right there is the key: Feeling like a success. While my planner for this month really shows how busy I was, the colors, notes, and stickers really enforced that I am busy, and that I was able to really “level up” these areas of my life through this extreme focus. My house is clean, my work is caught up, and I have found such a great new You Tube inspiration that I’m not willing to share…yet. Throughout the month on a few too many days my One Thing was “meetings” which, in the past, I never accounted for. However, when you have ten meetings in an eight-hour day, “meetings” become a work task. (I never recorded my meetings as a “task” before, always wondering why I felt like I hadn’t accomplished anything that day. When you think about the schedule, it’s a wonder I even had lunch!) I also stopped deliberately multi-tasking during these meetings by focusing on other work that needs to get done; adding stickers to my planner doesn’t require a lot of thought so my attention can be directed to the meeting and not what I’m not accomplishing by sitting in “listen only” mode. I also recognized that the idea of multi-tasking is not a healthy mindset for me. I mentally benefit from the ability to focus on my One Thing, complete my tasks, and then, if I have time, add any additional work or chores. To try and be or do so many things at once dishonors myself and the work, too, for it cannot be my best work.

This realization allowed me to really use my planner in a more productive way; a tool that helps me to mind the future and today. Anything related to the past is documented and I can easily go back to view that, too, so the past is in my mental past, too. Keeping my mind in focus for “today” has been a struggle as I tend to live my life in a future mindset. I’ve realized that I haven’t always been happiest in the present moment, living with a mindset of “In the Meantime“….like I’ll do this right now because future me will want something else when X happens. Well, folks, X ain’t coming any time soon so why not enjoy right now, give it all you got, and let X take care of itself? I defer many times to “future living” which I plan to write a series about (How ironic!). “Future Living” is my term for my mindset each day and how I can sometimes be so focused on tomorrow that I miss out on today. (Do you do this?) I, unknowingly, compromise today for the idea that tomorrow brings something better. In the planner world, however, we can be about the future — recording appointments, goals, birthdays…you name it! However, if you aren’t also recording the “today”, you may not act on any of those wonderful goals you have written in your planner because there was no action plan. I improperly used my planner as I had no “action plan” for today to reach those goals; I only recorded future events and goals and failed to construct the steps needed to reach (Key pro-tip, folks!) those future goals through changing my today. (Enjoy this TedTalk on the gap between planning and execution.) Because of the lack of planning for “today”, I did not open my planner each day and missed being able to execute on my long term goal through a short term activity for today. So, by finding my Planner Peace, and allowing myself to fail a few times, I’ve actually been more productive! Now, as I look back at July, I don’t dwell in what I didn’t accomplish because I can see by all of my entries, my color coding, stickers, and post its — I was damn busy! By creating a daily plan with my One Thing identified, I can do these small incremental tasks to achieve the larger goal. Because I’ve taken the time for myself each day, I don’t worry about what I didn’t do (past) or what I have to do (future) because today is where my head is at and my action plan for today says “Begin Wobble (August) post.” And, there it is. Check. Peace.

(Note: As I edit this post, it is August 29th and I wrote it a few weeks ago when inspired. Since then, I failed to properly plan each day and fell into old comfortable habits of letting my email dictate my priorities. I’m editing this feeling a bit uninspired and lethargic. The inspiration in my post renews my faith that, in all things, today ain’t no guarantee. Be okay in the struggle for, in it, comes a diamond of an outcome. I’ve added a new link of a TedTalk about filling the gap between having a plan and executing on said plan.)

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: