Mindfulness Lessons from a Broken Trash Can

I broke my kitchen garbage can the other day. The can – this one – has a pedal that one must depress with their foot to open the lid. Below the pedal is a stabilizing metal bar that keeps the can from toppling forward when in use. The stabilizing bar is what broke…again.

This is supposed to be the trash can that can survive an apocalypse. The first time it broke was late last year and we chalked this up to a faulty mechanism or bad design. “Is nothing made as it used to be?” we wondered once again, lamenting for those good old days that were neither good nor long enough ago. We both turned into MacGyver, turning the can over, and assessing the situation. A strong adhesive to glue in the corners of the stabilizing metal bar and plastic fittings was completed. Crisis averted? Or, just delayed?

Last week, while depressing the foot petal to raise the lid, I heard that telltale sound of a crack to the stabilizing bar. Recognizing the sound, I stopped to check my own behavior, or to check in with myself. (This is new – paying attention. My ADHD internalized so much!) I’ve become more aware of my own participation in life and “things”, and my tendency to shove everything into an external blame situation. My mind began with “what a piece of crap” and stopped mid-thought with a new idea. Instead of blaming the poor kitchen receptacle that just sits in judgment of me, was there something I did that contributed to it breaking? Did I press too hard with my foot? (Enter sense of shame.) Just how sensitive is this thing anyway? (See, the habit is a hard one to break!)

That was when I recognized the issue I needed to handle was not about the trash can at all. In fact, it is the same issue with a new and exciting flavor: mindfulness with a dash of presence. Or, how can I get more out of my head. I’m being guided and shown this idea in a variety of situations. (Yes, guided. More on that topic to come.) Situations that are a lot more serious than a broken piece of a garbage can.

I learned that, in caring for my dying mother, the responsibility was so tremendous, and I felt honored and humbled by the turn of events. My sister and I took extra care of her, cleaning her, reading to her, talking to her, and ensuring her comfort… just like when she did for us as babies. We kissed her, loved on her, and tried to be the best daughters to the best mother in the world. This required my full attention and presence. When I was distracted, I effortlessly pulled my focus back to my mother. This was a life and death situation and needed me totally aware so the correct decisions were made. Since then, my husband and I also cared for our dying and much beloved dog, Toby, which was also an honor of a different kind – yet, it taps the same feelings of love and protection but with differing angles. In caring for Toby, I found myself becoming angry at “having to do” and did not like the feeling at all! I didn’t understand these emotions as they felt disingenuous and conflicted with my heart. These new emotions did not honor nor represent my feelings for my beloved miracle pet and felt just wrong. So, instead of squelching this into some new package, I felt the emotions. These were sadness, loss, grief, and a sense of loneliness – and the same emotions I felt in processing these losses. What was I to learn by these events?

What changed in both of these situations was me: my mindset of gratitude and acceptance of both the situation and myself. I allowed myself to feel these emotions in a more healthier way. I cried, hugged, cooked, cleaned – all the physical things to make my body as tired as my mind felt. Sleep and distraction were also my friends along with a dose of “pulling myself up by my bootstraps.” Such a difficult yet educational time in my life that I’m glad I learned something from these situations!

Now, back to the can. I accepted that I heard a crack and that I had once again broken the can. Stopping mid-stride away from the can, I began to assess just what happened. Being in the present moment – or being mindful of this moment – was key for me. The crack of the can brought me out of a state of unawareness and into a present sense of reality. The ideas of being mindful and being present are issues I have been working on in myself for a while now through a program of meditation. You see, my particular brand of ADHD is dreamy and very internal. I can drift off in my mind to some other place and am not be fully present during a conversation. Usually something said will trigger something in my brain and I get transported to another place. Trauma meets ADHD – or life floating on a cloud. Sounds nice, right? Not really. In serious conversations, I would frequently lose the thread of the conversation. I used to try and engage the speaker so I could grasp this weakening conversation thread only to interrupt the speaker and distract them in the same way that I was also distracted. Then, because I was very good at recovery (practice makes perfect), I could interject a few words here, sound amazing, and the speaker would just be left confused.

This is a key aspect of my brand of ADHD and my neurodivergent brain –or my personal superpower. It is a learned response and not necessarily a good one. I can mentally travel years in a single second! Forward or – sometimes in reverse. Yet, my memory is for shit. During these times – it’s not always – I would be yelling at myself for this habit, chastising myself for being selfish or standoffish, and not even having a correct recollection due to my own distraction! (Imagine living in THAT place?) “Why can’t I pay attention?” I’d lament to myself. “How…” insert label here “…stupid/dumb/ugly/fat/awful/mean…..are you? You name it, I’ve called myself this name. Many times over. Thinking this was abnormal and that I was broken. Yes, maybe this isn’t normal but it is MY normal – and I have a legitimate physical reason for the behavior. I’m not stupid/dumb/ugly/fat/awful/mean for this.

Today, I am in a place of acceptance. I’m not selfish or standoffish – as my mother used to say to me. I’m DISTRACTED by my own thoughts that are now layering in yours and getting all jumbled up and confused. Sometimes I need to stop and re-frame my thinking – and ask for time needed to ‘catch up’ or for someone to repeat themselves. This can be very difficult for the person speaking and has caused troubling interactions and unintended offense. Today, I’ve learned that this tendency originates from a neurodivergent brain. This diagnosis gave me the ability to accept ADHD as part of me, an explanation for certain behaviors. This is not my entire identity but gave me greater awareness and, thus, the ability to create positive behavior strategies.

Or, I stopped trying to ‘fix’ myself. I am accepting my mental dreaming as part of my own personal human uniqueness. This is why the ADHD diagnosis is so important. It explained so much and gave me the ability to accept what is and without the condemnation of self. This wasn’t a behavior problem to be solved. My issues were my natural coping mechanism and my ability to focus and be present.

I began to see the trash can more as a mirror for me to recognize that I was doing something wrong. No, wrong isn’t quite correct. That is my old self talking. Today, I’m doing something out of congruence with my feelings. Self-acceptance is very powerful and a key tool for me. What am I being told by the breaking of the stabilization bar? Well, obviously I’m using too much pressure on the can with my foot.

So, instead of complaining about the can or being angry at something breaking, I became curious. Why is the pressure I’m using breaking this can feature? Is it my superhuman foot strength that has never been in evidence before? Should I take my newfound strength to the NFL as a field goal kicker? I must be really strong, no?

No.

A fun and meandering argument with myself takes me out of the shame loop and gave me space between thoughts. This was when I realized I was needing be be more mindful and see the situation in the moment. Here is what happened: Instead of stopping and opening the lid with my foot, I walked towards the can mid-stride to open the lid while simultaneously walking away from the can. Economical, aren’t I? I “walked” by the can to open the lid while on my way somewhere else. This caused too much pressure to be used. Or, I was too busy just to stop and use the garbage can. Isn’t that something of a realization? Too busy to focus on pressing a pedal with the correct amount of pressure.

Trust me, I never, ever want to be that busy. The idea of slowing down, paying attention to the pressing of the foot pedal, raising the can lid within a state of mindfulness was appealing to me. I wasn’t sure why and I had to think on this point. Why does the idea of slowing down appeal to me? The idea reminded me of Aki and his content created on YouTube in his Samurai Matcha channel. He has a video linked here that I have watched a few times on cleaning. These are not “how to” videos but “why” and, importantly, how one engages their mind in the physical act of cleaning. I had not done this in my kitchen cleaning duties. Aki has had quite a few physical challenges of late where mindset has been key. His ideas of cleaning translated to mindfulness in very serious health situations, too. Just how powerful is this idea?

Once again, back to the can. I realized that I was not being present or mindful in my cleaning activities as Samurai Matcha recommends. Apparently, I automatically labeled my situation in my head as a chore or being mundane or unimportant. These ideas are what caused me to gloss over the moment and seeking the important things outside of my current activity – or increased my distraction. If I see the moment as unimportant, I am missing the joy of the activity. How can I see all moments as important? Well, one must first have the realization that they have not applied the most helpful mindset for this particular moment. I had not even realized that I had even labeled the idea of pushing the foot pedal as anything other than a chore on my way to something else. This slight cracking noise of the breaking connection totally took me out of the mental reverie I didn’t even know I was in because I was physically busy. Interesting idea.

One thing I’ve learned is that there is a lesson in most everything in life. So, I’ve stopped trying to actively change myself and am trying to become more of an observer. This is a struggle that I’m finding a constant yet rewarding battle with my ego. I’m doing OK. I do have certain behaviors that do not please me for any reason other than wanting to be happier. Mindfulness – or presence – in even the mundane can be a struggle. Sometimes, life throws an experience for you to learn the simplest of ideas – like a broken trash can. Being mindful feels like slowing down. Yet, is mindfulness truly slower? Or, our natural state. I like to think they are both the same thing.

Peace.

Recovery Blvd, Milemarker 2: Gut Service Road & the Gut Health Highway

In New York State, we have what are called ‘service roads’ on the side of some of the parkways. When I first moved to the East coast, this was a new phenomenon that I witnessed mostly on Long Island; these are streets that run parallel to the main road and allows people to enter and exit without many barriers. This also allows emergency vehicles to easily bypass traffic snarls to get to the problem. I see my gut health journey very similarly where I am the road, the traffic becomes snarled, and I take the service road to exit and try and address the cause of the traffic snarl. I’ve been on this road a long time and have had many traffic jams where the service road, or alternative thinking, allowed me to bypass the snarl and continue on my journey. The second milemarker is an important one because these issues are foundational, and I have discovered that fixing my gut may be key to my overall health improvement.

My gut issues began as a teenager, caused by both anxiety (I will explain this in a later post from Depression/Anxiety Lane) and overuse of antibiotics for teenage cystic acne. (I was on tetracycaline for almost a year. The acne was, I believe, a result of overeating of processed foods. My mother told me it was too much chocolate. I hate to admit that she was somewhat correct but I’ve discovered that my issues were both sugar and, more recently, the common oil ingredients found in processed foods.) As a child, I also suffered from mysterious allergies that caused sinus issues, headaches, coughing, mouth lesions, and assorted hay fever type of sympoms. Additionally, around the age of five, I was exposed to an outbreak of some bacteria from a public drinking fountain. This was also immediately treated as I had developed significant painful and puss-filled lesions in my mouth and was told to gargle with hydrogen peroxide. I cannot recall if I was given any other medications for the bacteria exposure; I do recall I started an alert for the local health department. 😀 For my ‘sinus conditions’, the doctor prescribed ‘Dimetapp’ which was only available by prescription. The year was 1969-ish and I drank this sweet grape syrup for years between the ages of 6 and 10. As a child, I was not allergy tested as the Dimetapp seemed to handle the effects of whatever was ailing me and the thought was that these symptoms would be outgrown.

I believe that these treatments had negative impacts to my gut which was exacerbated by food sensitivies yet to be diagnosed. These two factors (use of antibiotics and allergy medications) created a soup of sugar dependency and food sensitivities that ultimately lead me to a number of medical conditions including cancer. When I began to present with my first stomach issue, I was 16 years old. I took myself for my first ‘adult’ appointment to a gastroenterologist who gave me a diagnosis that, frankly, I don’t even remember. I think I was told to use antacids and needed to buy stock in the Tums company. Wouldn’t diet have been a topic that should have been covered? My weight had skyrocketed from 140 to over 215 pounds in about three years. This event, too, was seen as a my ‘personal failure’ by the medical establishment – and it never occurred to anyone to question this assumption. The only guidance I was provided by my family, friends, and doctors: Don’t eat as much. (This should have been called “How to Develop an Eating Disorder.”) In looking back, I recognize (and, importantly, accept) that volume of food was never my issue. I’m learning that it was the type of food and how my body reacted to it. My choices as a teenager and adult leaned into processed (fast) foods even though my genetics really would not support these ‘foods.’ I was raised differently. In hindsight, I had become addicted to the sugar “high” of the processed carbohydrate, and the resulting hormonal imbalances.

In my twenties and thirties, I had GERD, acid reflux, and all kinds of biological responses that were so innumerable, I can’t even recall the path. I also presented with physical symptoms resulting from massive stress, both physical and mental. I was diagnosed with PCOS having suffered through all kinds of female hormonal disasters. Again, no help. I received a seasonal affective disorder and body dysmorphia diagnosis at 30, or depression. (I have learned that this, too, for me, is gut related.) At 35, I was diagnosed with metabolic syndrome and was told there was nothing that could be done. (I now have learned that this is not true. My current endocrinologist who has diagnosed me with pre-diabetes stated that this diagnosis should have been a ‘heads up’ for me.) High blood pressure, thyroid cancer, gallbladder removal, and the psoriasis were clear signs – if someone were paying attention – that there was something significantly wrong. We treat each issue as its own problem, don’t we? Why would we do this if these symptoms are all in one person?

What I realize now in reviewing my journey, this viewpoint resulted in mistreatment by the medical establishment. My ‘issues’ were never seen as a part of something else because that physician was only focused on my gastric condition and not my overall health; there was too much volatility in my daily condition to really give an accurate diagnosis. Food, however, fed this variability but was never seen as part of the problem. The doctor did not consider what got me to their office examining table which, in my opinion, needs to be part of the assessment conversation. The term for this type of practice is ‘functional medicine’ However, our medical establishment does not focus on prevention but on treatment. In this article for a pre-natal care study, six countries with varying medical systems demonstrate that the cost of these systems for preventative treatment is more beneficial than the U.S. model of treating once diseased. Given the costs, it would appear that prevention has a greater financial benefit to a system that is based on treatment. While the study is old, another more recent study that discusses prevention actually created a quasi-road map to improving preventative treatment. Instead, the U.S. government attempts to gut these provisions. (Yes, that is true.) This behavior does not create a positive prognosis for the future of preventative health management. It is the younger generation which concerns me for they may not have the perspective needed to properly evaluate and challenge bad doctoring. This happened to me in 1979, and continues today.

Dietary restriction has always been the answer I was provided for most of anything that I had which required medical attention. Sprained ankle? You need to lose weight. Psoriasis? What are you doing to lose weight? I actually had a doctor ask me if I knew what a carbohydrate was…I told him that I did not get this weight by not understanding eating. In fact, I felt that doctors actually blamed me for my illnesses or injuries, having written me off based solely on my weight. The self-blame (really, it is shame) I used to carry is now gone for I understand that I was caught in a “Catch 22” of self-blame (shame) which caused my disordered eating views and the physical cravings for more sugar. In working to eliminate the self-blame (shame), I realized that the idea of restriction is an old style of thinking and does not work for my long term health. However, I do need to change my eating to help my gut which may include some form of restriction or ‘moderation’, right? My thinking has always focused on a mindset of: Eat ‘right’, exercise, and stay away from ‘bad’ foods. My knowledge included what should have been my course of action yet I could never take any action! To anyone who listened, I used to say that if I could figure out my ‘how’ I would be successful. In many ways, I was waiting for the momentum to be created and, finally, recognized that I needed to create my own momentum. The momentum created my ‘how’ – and this realization is what I wish for you.

How is this done, you may ask? I think I have found my own answer – and this is the key. Individual assessments must be made which cannot be ‘wholesalely’ marketed. (Again, prevention is hard to sell.) And, don’t underestimate your current mental state and the impact of your diet! While this post is a discussion of gut health, there is a correlation between gut health and mood or personality disorders. If the gut ‘feeds’ one’s mood disorders, how does one break a cycle of poor self image? In 1979, there was no path forward for me. In 2023, however, I now have a path forward. It took 44 years but I think I finally have an answer. What I now realize in writing this series of posts regarding my current journey, there was no consideration for me, as a teenager, presenting with very severe symptoms. I was compartmentalized into a medical ‘type’ and written off as having a self-induced sick when I followed medical guidance and guidance on a proper diet. Weight was not seen as a medical result of something but of a personal failure.

And, here is a more recent example of said failure which solidified these viewpoints. In my last doctor visit in March of this year, the proverbial camel’s back was broken by that psoriatic straw. In this visit, my psoriasis was, apparently, a surprise; I was asked if I needed a dermatological referral. I actually thought she was joking as I had been seriously discussing this with her for YEARS. YEARS! I decided I was done and the realization that I was on my own in helping myself became a drum beat or cadence on how I was going to move forward. My path is now clear.

Footnote: As I write this, I’m down 32 pounds and not through restriction. I’m making smart choices and determining what foods help me to thrive, and those which do not. I’m feeding my body what it likes to perform at its best. Interestingly, I learned that soybean oil makes me really sluggish and depressed. I also found I’m sensitive to sunflower oils which give me cramping, GERD, diarrhea, and, frankly, also foul mood. (With all of that bathroom stuff going on, it’s no wonder I was cranky! LOL) And, in doing my own reconnaisance, I found that sunflower oil is in a lot of our foods because it is supposedly superior. (Note who sponsored this story.) There is also science that debunks the current belief that seed oils, including sunflower oil, are bad for you. What isn’t discussed are the possible food sensitivities a person may have because the gut is not right. (BTW, this link is a very interesting article from the Cleveland Clinic that should be required reading for anyone with a stomach.) The moral of this story? Don’t accept the status quo. Follow your gut.

Lessons from 2021 – November or Waiting for Inspiration Gets One Everywhere

As you read my lessons from November, it is just gone December 4th. My lesson is really short: Be Inspired. I have found that I feel better and have better results when my actions are taken after inspiration. Many times, inspiration can even result from my inaction which, in itself, is actually an action. It is how we define inspiration that separates us. Inspiration is that niggle of an idea or a phrase that we just overlook because we are too busy to listen and pay attention.

The idea came to me in a recent dream experience that I’d like to share. In this dream, I realized that my own personal inspiration comes to me in a whisper of an idea, a dream, or an inclination to do or be something…different. Fear keeps me small and is a damn waste of energy. My inspiration is the kindness of a stranger, or the beauty of nature around me, or the laugh of my partner over something really trivial. It used to be that nasty voice telling me I wasn’t ‘enough.’ Now, the voice is much more relaxed due to my acceptance of who I am and what I’m about. I’ve come to realize that the voice is always there and is what one may call my own personal intuition. It reflects my own opinions and that nastiness was my own extreme self-judgment which kept me moving forward, on a path. As I said above, the idea came to me in a dream that was so profound and occurred the night that I asked my own self to help me see what my reason for being is. I’ve been studying brain science and the subconscious: the roles it plays in our lives. One of the exercises is to ask for a dream to help one navigate to their true purpose, which is exactly what I did this evening. I asked: Am I just to be a wife, sister, and daughter in this life? I would like to help others find this sense of peace that I’ve chased through my decades of breathing to find – and recently realized that it was always within myself. I used to look externally for what I already had and that had been buried so deep that I lost my own sense of self through always trying to fit in. Big, big, mental movement forward. ❤

My dream was very profound and occurred the night that I requested the dream. I was traveling with a large suitcase, computer bag, and purse – my normal M.O. It was a busy airport and felt like what I imagine Tokyo to feel like. Busy, with people of all kinds going every direction. (I originally noted that it was Newark Airport but the airport was new, shiny, really clean…or not Newark. Sorry, Newark, this airport was so modern and clean, the floors were all shiny white tiles. Newark reminds me of a 70s den with wood paneling.)

I was struggling with my luggage, alternating how to carry it all for the wheels took up too much space; I struggled in walking through the airport from gate to gate. I was traveling with three people, one of which was my sister. (Odd.) We were being picked up by my colleague’s father who looked like a man I used to work for when I was 18. He was joined by another man who I worked for at the same place. (These two ran a company that sold electronic parts off the boat through a catalog service. I handled the order desk and was always told that any delays were stuck on a boat through customs.) Anyway, in my struggling with my luggage, I lost track of the bosses’ direction and we got separated from them…and ended up stopping for lunch. Everything was tile floors, bright black and white lighting, and a lot of neon for an airport. While we stopped to rest, I received an email from the boss asking where we were. (Why didn’t he call me, I don’t know.) We got moving again as I struggled to read and respond to his email asking where we were in the airport, along with always dropping or losing my luggage and stopping while people got mad at me, running around me as I was slowing the pace of the entire airport. This was a particular memory as I struggled with the communication form as we can sometimes do when our devices don’t cooperate. Finally, after a significant struggle, I was able to read the email – the time that went by seemed like hours. I was told that they were at gate 920 or 902…the 20 and 02 in those numbers flipped flopped like an old burned out neon sign. I noted that we were at gate 11 in the airport. I was told to find “Akira” and that they would be meeting me there. As I struggled with understanding how I would get to gate 920, I woke up.

When I ask for a dream from my subconscious to help me navigate, I will go to bed with a journal so that I can review and record the dream for later interpretation. The areas that stand out are giving a highlight and I do some internet research in the area just to figure out what it all means.

What stood out to me were three things, listed in an order of priority based on my immediate feelings upon waking up:

1.) The gate numbers: 11 and 920. I was aghast at how far they’d come and how little traveling I had done in the same time. The number 11 is always a sign to me that I’m supported by the Universe. What does 920 mean?

2.) What the heck is Akira? Is this a restaurant? It was repeated to me and I figured I’d seen this in an airport at some point. (Literal me.)

3.) Why couldn’t I just roll my luggage? Why was the use of email also a struggle? What was the reason for all of the struggling when I had the means to NOT struggle?

Here are the answers that I found and believe to be helpful for me.

1.) The meaning of the number 920. Thank you to angelnumber.org for their work in this area. From this site, I was able to ascertain the following:

As an ‘angel number’, “…[t]he number 920 combines the energy and attributes of the numbers 9, 2, and 0. The number 0 intensifies the energy of other numbers, in this case, the numbers 9 and 2. The number 9 symbolizes spirituality and spiritual evolvement, as well as the path towards spiritual awakening and enlightenment. This number also symbolizes humanitarianism, service to the humankind, philanthropy, altruism, peace, faith, karma, the Universal Spiritual Laws, lightworking and lightworkers. It also symbolizes endings and closures, as well as serving as an example to others. The number 2 signifies balance, duality, harmony, mediation, diplomacy, teamwork, compassion, compromise, cooperation, selflessness, peace, encouragement, trust, faith, stability, service to others, responsibilities, empathy, relationships, partnerships, love, and kindness. This number also symbolizes following your soul’s purpose and mission in this life. The number 0 is a symbol of infinity and eternity, wholeness and oneness, cycles, phases, flow, closures and new beginnings, potential, new opportunities, chances, God and the energy of the Universe, spirituality, and spiritual development.

The number 920 in general signifies major closures and endings, as well as new beginnings in your life. It also symbolizes the change of cycles and phases in one’s life.

It symbolizes relationships, selflessness, balance, stability, faith, trust, spirituality, spiritual evolving, humanitarianism, serving humanity, altruism, and philanthropy.

This number also symbolizes teamwork, partnerships, compromise, lightworking, cooperation, duality, diplomacy, mediation, service to others, infinity, wholeness, oneness, phases and cycles, potential, and new opportunities.

The Secret Meaning and Symbolism

The angel number 920 is a message from the Universe, which confirms that you are on the right path to fulfill your Divine soul’s purpose and mission in this life.”

WOW! I was reading this at 5:30AM and was just gobsmacked that I had actually dreamed this information! I took a sip of the coffee and continued with my research.

2.) What is Akhira? When I ‘Googled’ the term, it was spelled this way but I pronounced it with more of an ‘a’ sound that that with the ‘i’ in the back of the word. The first term was this:

“Akhirah is the term used in Islam to describe the belief in everlasting life after death. Muslims regard life on Earth as a test from Allah, to prepare them for eternal life. … Muslims believe they can enter Paradise by living according to the teachings of the Qur’an.”

Now, I’m not of the Islamic faith so this was totally out of left field for me. However, given what I had learned on the number of 920, I accepted that my dream referenced this in its meanings. My final destination. What a beautiful reference, too, to a faith that is not my own. This also spoke to me that all faith is good. Having faith is a beautiful thing that we humans enjoy.

3.) This meaning to me was obvious. The luggage I was struggling with was my own personal baggage that was weighing me down. My struggle with handling everything became the entire focus of my journey and got me a bit lost. To answer being lost, I stopped and had lunch. See this site for a full explanation. I have had the dream of struggling with luggage before, and being left behind. This seemed to be a running theme in my dreams for the past few years. What I had not had was the clarity of purpose, or the other notes which is why this item is third.

Now, you may wonder how inspiration figures here. Well, I learned of the idea of the subconscious mind in reading I’m doing. This book is fascinating and a recommendation from Jim Fortin. (Listen, folks, if you are struggling with changes in your life, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND JIM FORTIN’S WORK AND PODCAST. It has changed my life.) I came upon Jim’s work after listening to a totally unrelated comic discuss the profound impact it made for her while relaxing at home one evening. Her discussion was so much how I was currently thinking that the message could have been FOR me. I felt inspired to find out more. In researching Jim’s work, he discusses brain science, shamanism, and all things transpersonal psychology. He recommended two books to read, one of which was The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy. A dated but fascinating discussion of the formation of the brain and impact on humans. It is sitting at my bed table for night time studying.

It occurred to me in the writing of this post that, by just following my own inspiration, I have made such a profound ‘leap’ in my own development through listening and acting on my own internal voice. I stopped arguing with myself and am now a creature of inspired action. This has resulted in a decrease of anxiety and a level of self- acceptance I never thought possible. A work in progress, sure, with all of the ebbs and flows that life provides in our grand journeys. As I was saying just yesterday, when life begins its ebbs, we need to flow to meet the ebb…or not. We can wait for the flow to return which is part of the larger Universal design, right? I’ve accepted that I’m different and that is by design. I’m okay with being unique and not conforming to expectations – even my own. Not more, just different.

Here’s hoping that as we hunker down into winter up here in the cold northern hemisphere, you find your inspiration in the solitude of the evening or the smile of your dog. (Yes, they smile!) A suggestion: Listen to your intuition and let the inspiration find you when the time is right for both of you! The work we have to do is to clear up our mental clutter to be able to hear. Peace and love for the end of 2021.

Lessons from 2021 – October or Adventures in Discipline

From the title of this post, I bet you were wondering just what I was up to in the discussion of “discipline.” Discipline in this context is more to “…the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.” I emphasize the latter part of this definition because one may think that discipline and punishment are part of the same thought. (Not necessarily.)

Merriam Webster – those intrepid dictionary folks – define discipline as “…a rule or system of rules governing conduct or activity…” among other definitions. However, the idea of punishment is part of the definition as a verb (i.e., disciplining a child). To exercise discipline, however, is a type of self-control. Curiously, the definition of self-control is “…restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions, or desires.” So, can a person punish themselves as part of their own self-control efforts because that is their pattern of adapting or coping? (Yes, I think so.)

I’ve been doing a lot of self-study following the work of Jim Fortin. Fortin is, among other things, a transformational psychologist. In our world today, the terms are synonymous with being a “transpersonal” psychologist. Transpersonal psychology focuses on incorporating all elements of the human experience, including one’s spirituality. Many religions have hijacked this term for their teachings, too. Transpersonal psychologists can even adopt a religious or mainstream religious theme in its teaching which, in my opinion, short changes the idea of transformation. Like, if you don’t believe my religion, you are unable to utilize the ideas of a transpersonal psychology. What a load of bullshit.

In a Googling of the term, however, the following was also offered: “Transformation, used in psychology (and New Age thought), refers to a major change or shift in an individual’s thought and/or behavior patterns. This type of change normally requires a major change in thought patterns and values.” If you’ve been paying attention, you will find the religions tend to change meanings to fit with their values and we just all go along with the change or shift. This is not happening with me because the subject is just way too complex to box into religious dogma. We are discussing actual brain science which Fortin highlights in his podcasts and training. If you are looking to change some habits or transform an area of your life, do yourself a favor and listen to Fortin.

A better definition for transformational or transpersonal psychology is found here. This site defined transpersonal psychology this way: “Transpersonal psychology is a field or school of thought in psychology centered on the spiritual aspects of human life. The term transpersonal psychology was first introduced in the 1960s by psychologists such as Abraham Maslow and Victor Frankl. This field utilizes psychological methods and theories to examine the spiritual subject matter…Transpersonal psychology is a label for a type of psychological theory that embraces a wide variety of ideas that have nothing to do with religion and everything to do with the mind and behavior. Transpersonal psychology looks at the whole human experience.”

There are so many meaning to words, aren’t there? One needs to understand the context in the use of the word to truly understand its meaning. Just in the above discussion about discipline and transformation psychology, I might have just blown your mind. That is what happened with me and the idea of discipline. I’m trying to change long-standing maladaptive coping habits that I didn’t even recognize I had created as a young person. I began to understanding that my view of discipline as both restriction and punishment which caused me to run the other way from it. However, if you think of discipline as a measure of self-control, the idea of discipline without punishment is very freeing. My entire life, I have hated the idea of discipline because I had unknowingly used this idea as an opportunity to create a very negative mental feedback loop – or my own self-punishment. (Why be disciplined only to beat myself up? I’d rather just keep on keeping on.) I finally realized what was happening and, after recognizing this “go to” as something I wished to change in myself, I began to pay attention to words and situations that cause me anxiety or mental stress.

It is the “how do I fix this?” that got me on the road to understanding that we all have coping strategies, and some are just more effective than others. In any situation where change is the goal, one doesn’t need to understand the why unless the behavior is so ingrained that the brain takes over without a secondary thought or action. It has been a slow going process which in hindsight is probably for the best. Change over time tends to stick more with me than the instant flip of a switch. How do I know that this is working for me? Again, time is the teller of tales. This week was particularly stressful and scary for me having to take care of my spouse while he was laid low. In putting myself second, I made a conscious decision and there were times where my current health goals took a back seat. However, instead of using this situation as another opportunity to create a new negative loop, I became really tolerant of myself and, well, I cut myself some slack. And, I really felt that slack loosening some of my old maladaptive coping habits that have done very little for me. I created a more healthy strategy and it helped me to deal with the week. Instead of seeing the “big picture” of possibilities, I dealt with the facts of the matter and cut the problem into bite size pieces. I dealt in the now and did not assume anything so my expectations were reduced to nothing. This lack of mental expectation really allowed me to take care of business without worrying for the future…for now. I have recognized that I worry a lot about the future without realizing that I’m creating my future right now through my view in this minute. And, the next minute. Good habits become good over time and repetition. Yes, it is the old saying of wash, rinse, and repeat. Just make sure you have some good “shampoo” that feeds your head in a positive way.

Peace.

Lessons from 2021 – September or Three New Daily Habits

It is August 29, 2021, and I’ve just completed my post for the month of August. In this, I examined my original draft written about three weeks ago and compared this to my feelings today which were completely different and I wanted to understand why that happened. I found that I slacked off on my planning and let my incoming emails dictate the day and I’m feeling the mental stress of my lack of planning.

For September, I am committing to making a structure of three different areas with the following goals:

Personal – I will do one “chore” each day towards the overall maintenance of my home. Each chore will be no more than a collective 20 minutes; any longer chores will be split up over a few days.
Self-Care – I will do at least one positive thing towards my health goals of wellness. This may include: eating breakfast, choosing fruit and more natural sweets, drink water, exercise, meditate, wash/moisturize my skin, wear matching clothing, etc.
Work – Select my “one thing” and complete it to the best of my ability. Time block mornings for execution, afternoons for communication. If it takes multiple days, take the time and block it off.

Now that I’ve written my intentions here, I shall copy this into my journal (Hey, Self-Care!!) so that I can keep it in my intentional focus. I will report back at the end of September with my thoughts.

WEEK ONE CHECK IN – Week Ending September 3, 2021

I decided to add to my original plan a weekly review which includes a check in with myself for a month seems too long and doesn’t allow me to have my own personal “immediate” feedback. This week was hectic – two days I worked straight through without a lunch break or any pauses. I recognized that a lot of my normal self care and personal chores existed in my AM and PM routines so I acknowledged those in my planner. Both of these routines have been ongoing for a while now but without a daily intention or acknowledgement. Checking them off each day gave me a feeling of satisfaction, the formality of setting this in my calendar extremely helpful. Interesting, right? I also added a work task to each day that was not my “One Thing” but was for the purpose of that day and what was best for my organization. This, in turn, helped me so this type of thinking became my “one thing”…for now. I realize that there is no personal element considered in this type of thinking and that will need to shift if I’m to enjoy what I do for a living.

Since working from home during COVID, the morning routine I’ve found that works best for me was based on my assessment using Atomic Habits of my daily patterns and each task is designed to initiate the next task. (Now, I’m on autopilot.) My AM routine consists of – and not in any specific order:

wake
start coffee (push button)
take AM pill (on empty stomach)
morning ablutions (or shower depending on the day)
make my AM bulletproof coffee
read the news (only while “going” which is about what the news is worth to me these days)
meditate (I’m listening to a great audio book as a meditation strategy)
dress
make breakfast for the dog and I
take AM vitamins & other medicines with food
journal
start work

FINAL THOUGHTS – Week One

Now, many of you may say, “Why doesn’t she make her bed?” which seems to be the cornerstone of everyone’s morning routine. Well, I have a partner that does not get up at the same time as I do. I mention this because there is a lot of information about morning routines in the Inter-World — and there is no one right way. That is why Atomic Habits was so helpful. (You’re welcome.) Having my goals in my journal where I viewed them every day was also really helpful. One cannot achieve something if your focus is elsewhere. I also used my planner and checked off all of my achievements. I find that a “healthy” look – without judgment – of my progress will be key for me. On to Week #2!

WEEK TWO CHECK IN – Week Ending September 10, 2021

Last week was a bit more chaotic than the first week. I began my week with a good plan of daily assessments along with my “AM” and “PM” routines noted in my calendar. The structure helped me to see that I lacked a bit of discipline in my planning.

My “One Thing” for the job, however, wasn’t as clear to me each day. (Considering my job takes up more than a third of each day, not setting my “One Thing” each day was detrimental to my overall productivity. (Note: I only realized this after the fact.) If left unchecked, my days can be filled with “shallow work” or, as Professor Cal Newport says in his book, Deep Work:

“Shallow Work: Noncognitively demanding, logistical-style tasks, often performed while distracted. These efforts tend to not create much new value in the world and are easy to replicate.” (Page 6)

By the end of the week, I felt this lack of stability very clearly in my choice of tasks that may not have been the best use of my time. In the middle of the week, I took a day off just because. While this wasn’t on my schedule per say, I felt the need to walk away from my work for a bit of a break and practiced being retired. person-768787__340 I feel like I have one foot in both worlds: working and retired. I’m making the mental transition, too, and have a bit of myself scattered all over the place. This “scattering” may be why I’m not mentally engaged in either place. Focus, like willpower, I’m learning, is limited and each area of focus takes a bit more energy so that I’m not really able to focus on one thing at a time. I’m working out a “time blocking” scenario for working that includes my routines. For those of you interested, here is my PM routine:

Decide to go to bed (I don’t have a set time, usually signaled by my couch dozing)
Clean kitchen, reset dishwasher, wipe counters and spills, clean sink which usually takes me about 15 minutes. It is a good break from the television, too.
Set up coffee so that I can hit a button.
Brush teeth
Wash and moisturize face
Prep CPAP machine (Yay! Thanks, menopause and being overweight)
Treat psoriasis with whatever cream a doctor gave me that is purported to work
Read a few pages until dozing

That is about it for my PM routine. It doesn’t take me long and I like the bit of a break between watching television and actually sleeping.

FINAL THOUGHTS – Week Two

I’m a bit tired at the end of this week, more mentally than physically. I’m not sure why other than my attention is a bit scattered, like I have a lot on my plate but am unaware of everything. And, I’m not even sure that this is the reason for the unease. I do think that focusing on too much at once is unhealthy for me and I don’t feel like I’m really involved due to the lack of focus. I think I will make more of an effort to be in the moment and focus on what is in front of me – whether I placed it there or life has given me a new opportunity for growth. I also think that I lacked meal structure and have taken a few options in my shopping to help me stay nourished in a more structured kind of way. Last week, we had some work done on our house which changed my normal. I did not prepare and could not go grocery shopping because the trucks blocked the garage. The work is marvelous and one of the three projects I must do before I can officially retire. This may be why I feel like I’m in two places at once. Interesting thought that my external goals for my house are impacting to such a degree my retirement feelings and my plan.

This week, I plan to time block my mornings and select my most important task to complete each day. I will continue with my AM and PM routines as they are. I also need to add one household chore to each day, which I will do….AND STICK WITH IT.

WEEK THREE CHECK IN – Week Ending September 17, 2021

Last week was a pretty productive week if you look at my calendar. I don’t really “feel” that my week was productive, however. I’m not sure why that is and am considering that productivity is more of a state of mind than an actual “thing.” Like, I need to “feel” productive in order to be productive? (Editing Note: In week one, above, I made the following statement: I find that a “healthy” look – without judgment – of my progress will be key for me. BAM! I actually caught myself before sliding down my normal hole of despair and self-focused negativity.) So, taking my sage wisdom from about two weeks ago, let me re-frame my week a bit.

What I did do was work to shift on the small things and began compounding them each day for a successful outcome. I began to block my time on Wednesday and found that I got work done without a lot of interruption. (Cool!) The structure – interestingly enough – also helped me to schedule in some exercise which I added on Friday and Saturday. (OMG!) I wrote into my planner “AM Routine” and “PM Routine” before the week began, and checked them off each day in my planner. That simple writing it down, stopping each day to check, thinking about my routine, and the physical act of “checking a box” really helped me to mentally “block” the time for myself. I also journaled a few days as well.

While I always mentally blocked time in my mind, my reality never really formally adapted to this construct which created a sense of incompleteness in my day. By externally writing things more formally in my planner, this action mentally closed a completion loop for me. (Interesting.) I also began to write my One Thing for work and for my household, the latter of which did not get done during the week. Frankly, I could care less today. (Again, interesting.) I want the result (clean house) but the daily tasks were apparently too much for me. As I understand these concepts, I’m going to need to see this task (clean house) as a smaller set of more doable tasks. As I look back at my week just completed, I was so focused on what I didn’t do that this perspective created an overall negativity that is like a lone dark cloud on an otherwise sunny day and altering your plans because there is a chance of rain. Seems I may have tapped into something “off” in how I think here which will give me something to consider for next week.

FINAL THOUGHTS – Week Three

I do better with a bit of formalized structure to my life; this is a benefit for me. This constant mental chatter of my own progress (and lack thereof) is challenged when I formalize the structure so my own mental “truth” can be faced with the facts, in my own handwriting, in my planner. In my review of this week, this profoundly impacted me. This realization is also key: my version of discipline must have a structure, be formal, and be accountable – and honestly accountable. No bad feelings over here, just realization and acceptance. For Week Four, I will strive to ensure that my structure is sound, relevant, and applicable. Where I feel the structure is lacking or not as successful, I will go smaller and into tinier pieces until I reach the right feeling (or frequency), and then compound them through my daily habits, being satisfied with what is “right now.” On to Week Four!

WEEK FOUR CHECK IN – Week Ending September 24, 2021

Dear Reader, if you are still with me this far, thank you!! This journey, the chronicling of my thinking over the past month in my blog, has been really inspiring. My lesson learned is that my “structure of disciplined ideas” – which is what I’m calling my routines – really helped me. Just yesterday, I had a medical appointment in the afternoon that took me out of my normal routines. No cooking, so we had some takeout for dinner so my dishes were minimal. I was also extremely tired – mentally exhausted – at another tough week. As I was preparing for bed – or “executing my PM routine” – skipping steps felt unnatural to me. I began to look at those few dishes in the sink and my clean dishwasher that needed emptying with a different mindset. My mindset was not of “Ugh!” but of “How long does this really take?” and “If I stop mentally arguing with myself, I’d be done with XX by now.” (Interesting.) My habit of doing the dishes at night ‘stuck’ and I did them quickly, routinely, and went to bed.

Now, I wondered how much of that was habit versus mind-over-matter, like did I just do this because I knew I was blogging on the subject? Was my physical and mental discomfort over the messy kitchen real or make believe? The very next day, I got my answer. On Saturday, September 25, 2021, or yesterday, I had the same situation. We had to take our Toby to the doctor at 2pm – smack dab in the middle of the afternoon which throws my routine right out. We then went grocery shopping, again, outside of the normal routine, ordered our favorite pizza – an eggplant Napolitano with balsamic glaze – from Mama Theresa’s in New Windsor, New York. We have not had this since before the Pandemic so this was such a treat that we ordered a whole pie – or eight slices. By the time we got home, the time was around 5 p.m. so dinner was leftovers as we got hungry. This resulted in my same situation – minimal dishes and a tired Susan. I, again, told my husband I was going straight to bed – and ended up doing the dishes AND watered my plants. Why? Because, my Dear Reader friends, I had built a habit of waking up to a clean and tidy kitchen. My habit was not necessary to do dishes but to wake up with a clean kitchen. Cool, right? Just that little change in my perspective helped me to create a solid and comfortable habit. I’ve always wanted to be the person who could not go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink … and now, I am that person.

FINAL THOUGHTS – Week Four

I finally understand how discipline can help me in my life in other areas, too. Restriction is not something I’m good with and need to remember that. However, discipline is very good for me if I get it out of my head and onto paper. As a person who is highly visual, this makes sense because the act of putting my thoughts to papers helps me see my progress – rather than relying on my faulty perception to feel my progress. Feeling my progress is also misleading because these feelings get clouded with, well, life. Good day? Feels great, making progress. Bad day? Sucks! No progress made. (See my correlation?)

This realization has been throughout the week in other areas, too, since I began to pay attention. I’m also a great believer in the synchronicities in life giving us direction…if we are paying attention. I began to realize that the structure I’ve created is not “restriction” as I had felt but of “discipline” which is a very different mindset. When going to bed, thinking of discipline and how positive an experience this had been for me, I pulled out my night table reading materials. I’m re-reading The One Thing to my support myself through this experience. Using my book mark I opened to the chapter I’d left off from the previous evening’s reading. This was Chapter 6: A Disciplined Life. Yes, Dear Reader, this happened, and I was paying enough attention to recognize this little “Atta Girl” from the universe. I also found a great summary of the book here for those of you intrigued.

MY FIVE LESSONS LEARNED FOR SEPTEMBER 2021:

Creating a structure for myself is a key area of my life that I need to consider in what I do and who I am. There is a discipline in this that makes me extremely comfortable and helps my negative self-talk become a small whisper instead of a constant yelling. Seeing this structure has helped me to create an exercise routine that I’m enjoying, an eating routine that keeps me nourished with good food choices, and a mentally supporting style of thinking that is really helping me feel better.
Having discipline within myself doesn’t mean I’m locked in to anything. It means that I have the freedom of choice – at all times. That is restriction.
And, speaking of restriction, I don’t do well with restriction – yet I tend to see the world in that way. My changing references in my mental body will be key so that, where I feel any restriction, I must review the situation for what it truly is. In my life, I cannot view any changes as “restriction” or these will become sour and cause me untold amount of mental anguish.
Having the discipline to create good structures for myself doesn’t mean I’m locked into just that; I can always add or take away what no longer works. Change doesn’t mean anything failed; change means only that circumstances – whatever they are – have shifted.
Don’t add a “value” label or a “belief” label to anything, anyone, or myself – the latter of which is my normal focus. Labels take judgment and perception that are most likely way wrong. Don’t judge others for the same; they are also on the journey.

CONCLUSION:

All in all, September was a helluva month. What a turning point. My acceptance of myself has lead me to very different realizations that I will begin to follow in other life areas. These realizations have also really helped me to overcome a few mental challenges in stepping up my game. Maybe some of the changes take, maybe some need smaller increments to help them stick. Whatever life throws at me, however, can be handled for I have the discipline and restriction to handle life – whether that means to step back and watch, or to jump right in and take a deep dive.

Peace, Dear Reader. Be well, and welcome fall.

Lessons from 2021 – March or how “ART” Reshaped My Perspective.

Art.

When a person mentions “art” or that they are an “artist”, many people have varying reactions. Some wonder how this “artist” actually makes a living. Or, some may believe that being an “artist” isn’t really a job. “Get a ‘real’ job” one may hear from time to time in their lives, especially if they identify as being an “artist.” Others may marvel at the simplicity of a life of creation. Some, like me, harbor a secret jealousy of also wanting to be creative but not believing I can be creative. (I mean, have you ever seen my sketches?) My post for this month is really what is meant when we say we love art, or that we are an artist, or, dare I even say it?

“I’m a ‘creative’. I’m an ‘artist’.

There. I said it. I’m an artist and a creative. I just cannot draw. Or paint. Or, sculpt. Hmmm. Another more positive way of putting this is that my creations just don’t capture what I see in my mind. You see, my hands just don’t seem to “see” my creations in the same way as my brain because my hands really don’t execute the vision all too well. My hands are very solid and have served my utilitarian needs quite well, of which I’m extremely thankful. They have not, however, been able to interpret just what my mind’s eye sees to be able to create the masterpieces I dream of. It all ends up in a mess on whatever I’m painting/drawing/sculpting…you name it. (It seems to all end up being ashtrays.) My hands just don’t really keep up with my mind’s eye of what I see.

I’m aware that reknowned artists had to also start somewhere. I’m sure their early works may have resembled some of my early works, too. They just kept being persistent in honing their skills whereas I just gave up, out of frustration. What drove these artists – painters, sculpters, mixed media professionals – to continue? How did they know they could achieve what was in their mind’s eye when the result differed? I think passion plays a part of an artist’s focus. Determination, too. The feeling of seeing your work expressed through your own eyes? Yes, check. These all amount to feelings, don’t they? Like an artist must feel their work, feel it bubble within them, on a basic cellular level. I just did not have these feelings for my own art as I was way too self-judgmental, a handy trait to have in business but not necessarily for a creative person. I think my mindset was more of a “Why let other’s beat you up when you are doing such a fine job of the task?” This is what art does – it creates an introspection of feeling and expression. Those feelings are what the art evokes and is why we all appreciate art because it makes us all feel….something.

I realized, too, that an artist is one who feels, and expresses this feeling through a concrete medium. Hmm. Another thought I had is that one can call themselves anything, can’t they? These are just labels that we’ve assigned to short-cut the mundane. If I really wanted to, I could call myself a brain surgeon. I would not be a very good brain surgeon, however, because I lacked the schooling and experience, and (let’s hope) I would not get hired by any medical establishment without this expereince. I can label myself as an astronaut who just hasn’t left the Earth except for some United Airlines flights across country. You see what I mean? If I label myself as something, I can adapt to that behavior. So, what happens when I’ve labeled myself as stupid or inept? These types of labels can be so ingrained that you may not even realized you’ve created and perpetuated these labels in simple ways, like forgetting to put your clothes in the dryer or making a driving mistake. These common occurences can result in an increase in our mental chatter that reinforces beliefs we don’t even know we had.

I’m a ‘creative’. I’m an ‘artist’.

Many times, these labels are so ingrained that they cease to be a cognizant thought; it just is. I realized that I love to write as a form of self-expression, and am beginning to journal as a daily mental resetting of my emotions. Creating beauty in my writing by sharing a feeling or fact or perception is art. Poetry is art in the written word. I’ve taken to writing poetry during extremely stressful times as a way of channeling my energy and processing my feelings. When my father died suddenly, I began a deeply personal journal of writing poetry as a cathartic exercise to help me process my grief. The experience was so overwhelmingingly human that I has helped me thrive while also expressing all of these feelings out of my body…and into the ether. At the same time, I was trying to handle a failing personal relationship. In a deeply personal moment, I read my poetry to my father’s body giving him a piece of me to take with him on his new journey, and I included my poetry in his casket for cremation, like a piece of my heart is always with him. And, THAT, is what art is: A piece of one’s heart.

When we think of art as self-expression, removing art from the classroom really takes on a new perspective, doesn’t it? If we don’t allow our children their own freedom of self-expression in the classroom, how to we allow them the grace of failure, of learning that it is safe to express yourself creatively, that the world is a tolerant place….oh….yeah. I remember that this is changing, too.

Have you noticed that the world is becoming much more judgmental as we become more familiar with each other using tools like the internet and social media? This can impact the safe space each of us, as human beings, deserve to be creative. Some of us (like me) must wait until mid-life before we feel safe in our own self-expression – or once you’ve taken the time to push past barriers that you created in your youth to come into your own passions. Many times, we see ourselves as having “jobs” as humans. No, not always a job-job, but we may see our roles in society very differently depending on our experience. It is the labeling that creates divisiveness and actually further divides humanity.

I am a ‘creative’. I am an ‘artist’.

In my personal evolution as an artist, I failed to consider that my ability to type 80 words a minute as an author is a key skill that some cannot do. My expression is just how my hands type these words, and how creative I can be with my formatting, use of media, and how my messaging is received. As an artist, however, the actual understanding of my art is outside of my control. The beauty of any art is that it is appreciated by others who may have had a similar journey. It is the appreciation of art that is key to life because, folks, art is life. I’ve never met a happy older person who spent their whole lives working for someone else in a job they hated. I have, however, met a lot of happier older people who consider themselves creative. So, after five decades on this planet, I’m considering myself as a creative person.

I’m creative. I’m an artist. (No more quotes. Just me.)

That’s all there is. Now that I’ve assessed these new labels to myself to wear for a while, I wonder how this feeling of self-belief and self-acceptance will feel in my daily life. How will my daily work impact my art? Everything impacts everything and, friends, don’t ever forget that your own perspective impacts everything, even your own labeling. Check out this very interesting TedTalk from Professor John Shaw (check out his bio on YouTube!) on labeling of people. Use this knowledge to your advantage. Be the artist (or doctor or lawyer or chef or janitor) and create a life for yourself that expresses who you are…or who’d you like to be.

Take a moment, in the now, to do one things towards that goal, like writing a blog post. Peace.

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